The Elite
by WeAllBreakTheSame
Summary: AU: 10 years ago, Clary, Jonathan, Alec, and Isabelle's parents were locked up for uprising against the Clave, Jace's parents were murdered. Now, a retrial approaches, and the children of the once-elite families of the Circle must deal with the repercussions of their parent's actions and try to clean up the mess they've made. TW: suicide, anorexia.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note: Welcome friends! It's been a while. I don't even know if there are people out there interested anymore, I've been MIA for a while on FF and Tumblr. Anyways welcome to my new fanfic! I've been working on this for so long and I'm so excited to get it out here for everyone!**

 **The Elite is a plot conjured out of my own brain however, DISCLAIMER Cassandra Clare owns the world and it's characters. What I do is for shits and gigs.**

 **The Elite is the story of Clary, Jonathan, Jace, Isabelle, and Alec living in Idris if The Circle took place later than in Clare's novels. The Elite is what would have happened (imo) if the kids had been born/alive while The Circle still existed. The Elite takes place 10 years after the uprising of The Circle happened... enjoy! You'll notice I've tweaked it a bit to be able to properly tell the story I imagined, but nothing too dramatic.**

Idris's elite children were used to the staring and whispering behind hands. Growing up in Alicante instead of an institute wasn't difficult until they found out about the Circle.

Thanks to their parents, they were the last to find out about it all. That didn't stop the Clave from putting the children on trial. The incredible mind-aching power of the Mortal Sword isn't something the Clave will put on a child unless they feel threatened.

And they felt so threatened that each one of the children nearly passed out until the Clave realized they knew nothing about the Circle.

Clarissa and Jonathan Morgenstern can still remember the day the Consul and Inquisitor burst into their home to drag away their parents.

Clary can still remember her stomach dropping; screaming and crying so hard her head began to pound and her ears began to ache.

 _Jonathan stood behind his sister, his arms around as she screamed and tried to tear herself from his grip as their parents were hauled through the door. Their father put up a fight, trying to knock out the guards hauling him away. Their mother let it happen, and she was the first out the door._

 _Clarissa screamed until her throat began to ache. "Daddy! No, please, no, don't take take him!" Afterwards, cried until her eyes became sore._

Jonathan, two years older, tried to comfort his sister, even though he had no clue what had happened, why his parents were stolen from him.

Isabelle and Alexander Lightwood had a much different experience. Isabelle could remember her stomach dropping, but she was rarely one to let it show, even at 7 years old. Alec couldn't help but let the pain show in his eyes, and found it more difficult to be strong for his sister.

 _Their mother and father stayed calm for the sake of their children and answered the door when the Consul and Inquisitor came knocking that day. In the end, they went willingly._

" _Behave," their mother told them as they took her away._

Jace Herondale kept to being the strongest of them all. He didn't collapse under the Mortal Sword while being interrogated. But he loved his parents, just as much as the rest of the children.

 _His father ushered him to the sitting room._

 _When they knocked, his father looked straight into his eyes and said, "be brave, son."_

 _His mother came, too, "be the shadowhunter we know you are."_

 _The front door was kicked down, and everyone started._

" _We love you, okay? Stay here, Jace," his mother told him before they fled to the front room and were taken not just from his life, but from the world._

 _The only trouble he caused was when they came to get him._

" _I have to stay here!" he yelled. "She told me to stay here!"_

The five children remain Idris's most elite. But with locked-up parents, they don't feel special at all.

 **10 Years Later…**

I wake with a start, Jonathan's voice pulling me out of yet another nightmare… not surprising today. My only plans for today are visiting my parents, even though I know no one will join me because no one will bother talking about it. Ten years ago was the day our parents were stripped from our lives and Jace's parents died… or killed; I know that's what bothers him the most, not knowing the truth.

"Clary! Let's go, get up!"

I pull my blankets over my head to try and block out the sound, and the light coming in through a crack in the window curtains.

We were a tight knit group until after the Academy… although our separation started during our time there, if I'm being honest.

Jonathan and I still try to protect each other, but it's not much out of love, it's more because we're siblings, because our parents aren't here to.

Alec and Jace are really close since they're _parabatai_. They've always been best friends, and becoming parabatai came naturally.

Iz and I used to be pretty close, but our different personalities while at the Academy proved to be hard on our friendship. We're still friends. The thing that bonded us most was being the only daughters of the Circle. The rumours that went around at the Academy about the boys weren't nearly as bad as the one's about us. And we feel the same way about what our parents did; we were both the same age when everything happened, and we got to discover and make sense of it all together. Although most lines remained blurred.

But it got a little weird when I moved up a level early into Jace's classes. Even weirder when both Jace and I got moved up a level higher than Jonathan and Alec. Then Jonathan got weird, never able to get along.

Since we all grew up and lived together, of course I was good friends with Jace, but being in the same level got us a really great friendship. We share a lot; the nightmares, the extra pressure from being at such a high level so early into the Academy.

Last night's nightmare was a dying angel trying to tell me to do something, but it being too late to help or understand. The blinding light, the cold darkness.

I shiver and bundle down further into my pillows, pull the blanket closer around me.

We still all live together in the same house, mostly because the Clave can't decide what to do with us. All of our peers at the academy have better things to do like being trainers and running institutes, but we're still stuck in Alicante. And the guys, who are old enough to be members of the Clave, are rarely invited to the meetings.

Not that I really mind. I've never wanted to be an institute kid, and my parents are here… they're locked away, but they can still be a part of my life if I'm living here.

A few raps on my door startles me. "You're gonna sleep the day away if you don't get up. Let's go, Clary!" It's Jonathan again.

I groan loud enough for him to hear it so he'll go away and not come inside.

"Are you awake?"

I groan again. "Ugh, yes!"

"Alec made pancakes, come get them before they get cold."

I do love pancakes.

I pull back the blankets and wince as the cold air hits my bare skin and then rush to put a sweater and socks on.

"She's up! Hide the children!" Iz yells when she sees me coming down the stairs. Everyone's sitting around the table when I enter the kitchen.

"Ha," I respond, sarcasm dripping from my tone, before turning to the fridge.

While I ponder between orange juice and chocolate milk, I hear a chair slide against the marble floor as someone gets up from the table across the kitchen behind me.

As Jace reaches across me to grab the orange juice from the fridge he whispers, "you were yelling again last night."

My eyes squeeze shut for a second, remembering. Then I shut the door of the fridge and grab a glass before Jace can put away the orange juice. "I know," I whisper back.

"Let me know if you need anything," he says quietly. He puts his arm around my waist and gives a squeeze before going back to the table.

I sigh and cover a plate of pancakes in syrup and butter. When I sit across from Jonathan at the table, I look down at the pancakes and don't feel so hungry anymore.

"What's the agenda today?" Jace asks.

Alec shrugs now. "Nothing so far..."

I decide to jump in. The guys have given me the perfect opportunity to. "Maybe we should go to the Gard."

I feel Izzy tense up beside me, anticipating reactions.

"Maybe not today, Clary, I was thinking we should all go train," Jonathan says.

Anger threatens to bubble up through me. He's always been weird about visiting our parents; I knew he'd be even weirder about it today.

"Why _wouldn't_ we go today?"

Jonathan leans back in his chair across the table from me and fold his arms. "Finish up and then we'll go down the training centre."

"Too bad you're not my dad, or I might listen."

"Yeah well our dad's a little tied up right now."

I push away from the table and go back upstairs. When I reach my room, I lock the door behind me, knowing Jonathan will follow to talk about it. But I don't want to, I just want to go and see my parents, and I don't care if I have to do it alone; it's not like I haven't done it before.

The doorknob wiggling startles me a little while I'm trying to get dressed. When that doesn't work, he knocks. "Come on, Clary," Jonathan's voice is muffled by the door. "Just open the door."

I pull on a tank top and pants and go to unlock the door. Jonathan stands in the doorway. "Want do you want?" I ask him.

"You to come train with us."

"Why? What's the big deal? It's been ten years since they were pulled out from under us and I'd like to see them as much as possible before it happens again."

Jonathan sighs and leans against the door frame. "I just don't want to highlight it. For them or myself."

"Yeah, _yourself,_ " I mutter.

He doesn't get mad like I expected, instead, his brows furrow with confusion. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I just want to know; you never come to me with anything, not since we finished at the Academy, anyways."

I shrug. "There's nothing to say."

"What about the nightmares?"

That stops me. I didn't realize he knew - or cared, really. "What about them?"

"I wouldn't know, you don't tell me. Why does Jace know?"

I laugh. It's always been a competition between him and Jace. Jace and Alec are _parabatai_ , Jace got better marks, and now he knows that Jace and I have something he can't put his finger on. But it's because he doesn't pay enough attention as he should; Jace and I are just alike, we just get along well. Jonathan has always been jealous of him, not that he'd ever admit it. "Jace knows because he listens when I talk about it." I don't mention that Jace will tell me about his dreams, too.

"You know what, Clary? Do what you want, I don't care."

"Like you caring has ever stopped me before."

"That's pretty obvious."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. _I don't care,_ " he repeats, his voice sharp and harsh. He turns and leaves without giving me the chance to say anything back.

We were all a tight knit group just a few years ago in the Academy. During our time there Iz and I seemed to be the most reckless, and our brothers weren't our parents but sure tried to act like it. Jonathan still sees me as his sister that needs protecting.

I quickly pick up my stele and shove it in my pocket.

I think I'm out the door before anyone can see or stop me from going, but then I hear the front door to our house shut behind me and know someone's coming after me. The fast footsteps make me turn though - Jonathan isn't one to run after me - I find Jace running to catch up. It doesn't take him too long considering how fast he is.

"That was intense," Jace gestures back to the house.

"That's Jonathan, you should know that by now."

"I do, I guess I just didn't realize he's like that with you, too."

I think about it… "he's not." I don't remember Jonathan ever being that harsh with me, ever.

"Maybe he's got something on his mind."

"Maybe…"

"So, mind if I join you?" He asks as we head towards the guard, me trying to keep a walking pace with his long-legged walking pace.

"Are you sure… I mean-"

"It's been ten years since they died, Clary. Your parents, Maryse, and Robert are probably the best people to be around anyways; they knew them the best."

"Well in that case, I do mind you joining me."

"Oh, well in that case…" he stops and turns to head back towards the house.

"Jace!" I call after him, I know he's kidding, just like I am.

He turns back around to face me, a smirk on his face. "I'm just kidding."

I roll my eyes. "Obviously." I cross my arms across my lower chest, and bump my side into Jace's. "Thanks," I say quietly.

And there's no time for him to respond as we emerge into the crowded square. I uncross my arms and keep my eyes forward as people's conversations turned hushed. I only see people from my peripheral vision and don't take in any faces. I make up a melody in my head to distract myself from overhearing anything. The normal distance one would walk beside another is forgotten as Jace and I press closer to each other and a path through the crowd suddenly forms for us.

No wonder why our parents did what they did… they were the Elite of Idris, the public's eye was always on them, and most just assume they cracked under pressure. To this day, I still don't know specifics. My guess is only Jonathan does, and he won't tell any of us.

Jace, Iz, and I get by with acting like we don't care about the specifics, Jonathan and Alec get by with caring too much. That's how we swing by. That's why, when Jace turned eighteen, they finally stopped sending someone in to check up on us. Yes, it's when they were supposed to, but if we had ever showed signs of following in our parent's footsteps, I'm sure the Clave would've found a way around that agreement.

Suddenly, walking through the square, my stele feels incredibly warm in my pocket. I know it's just my imagination, my head trying to distract itself from the staring; but it's not the first time this has happened. It used to happen a lot in the Academy… only one of the reasons I missed class often.

I did extremely well in classes about runes and their uses; aced every class, even though I hardly attended. Most shadowhunters memorize runes well, but since I was a kid and was first marked, I've been able to memorize a rune the moment I see it. Talent, I guess. The same way Jace has natural agility and advanced easily with fight training… not that he's ever put it to good use. The five of us have only fought demons a handful of times.

Flashes of runes, my stele hot in my pocket, wanting to be used. Just to occupy myself. The attention from the public used to bother me. As a child, when I went out into town with my parents, I didn't understand why people acted strange around us. Maryse and Robert, Celine and Stephen, they didn't act this way me, so why did these strangers? When I finally asked why, my dad explained, "it's because they don't understand, Clarissa.

"Shadowhunters are all supposed to be equal, but it's not quite like that. Our families are old, valued, and our wealth has been passed down. It's not fair for newer families."

Morgenstern, Herondale, Lightwood, they're some of the oldest names. Wealthy names, and until the fall of The Circle, well-respected names.

Now, though, after the Circle, being in public is way worse. We inherited all of our parents money, but none of the respect. Being at the Academy was practically torture. We all would get ourselves into shit just for a distraction. Rumours would fly around about us all the time. Sometimes it felt like every new month was a call for more drama. People would listen to our conversations, twist our words. I remember my parents always going silent in crowded public, but never understood why until I had to do it at the Academy.

Sometimes, though, the rumours were true. Sometimes, people would take advantage of us. Many times, we found ourselves in the office of the Academy, the Head trying to straighten us out.

I remember a conversation I heard through the office door. "Even without their parents around anymore, they're turning out just like them."

"The elite families have always been this way, but these kids are smart," the Head replied.

"That's what we should be afraid of," answered the voice of a young Aldertree.

That was just three years ago, but it feels like a lifetime.

Reaching the Gard takes forever, or at least it feels that way.

Our footsteps echo along the marble floors down the hallways of the Gard, no one really seems to be around today. I hear murmurs quietly echoing around the corner and slow my footsteps in an attempt to eavesdrop. I stop when I recognize Consul Penhallow and Inquisitor Aldertree. Jace does the same.

"A re-trial is the only option we have," Aldertree is saying. "We can't keep them here forever."

"I suppose it is," Penhallow sounds exhausted. "Although, I don't about the kids… a re-trial could cause something we don't want."

 _What's that supposed to mean?_ I think. I look over at Jace, and he seems worried.

"I say we put them up on trial again as well, get to know their motives, make sure they're not planning to take after their parents."

"That's highly unnecessary, Inquisitor. I think it would be best if we sent them to an institute while we work out all this technical business, and bring them back if we need them."

"Maybe we should leave it to the Clave," Aldertree says, but with an optimistic voice, like he thinks everyone will automatically vote in favour of his proposal. Maybe they will, I've never been to a regular Clave meeting to know what the atmosphere is like.

"We'll have to put the idea of a retrial to a vote anyways. The Council will decide if the Clave should take back former Circle members," says Penhallow.

The conversation seems about over and I turn and look up at Jace again. A retrial would not end well, at least not to my knowledge. It would most likely end in-

I don't even want to think about my parents being taken from my life permanently.

He mirrors my worried expression back to me. The only way to get past Aldertree and Penhallow without casualties is to pretend we didn't hear anything. A silent conversation happens and Jace nods, I nod back. As we round the corner, our footsteps announce our presence to Aldertree and Penhallow."If it isn't Clarissa and Jace," Aldertree greets us. I want to vomit at the sound of my full name in his voice.

I nod my head to the both of them in greeting.

"I trust you're both doing well?" Penhallow asks.

"Yes, ma'am," Jace replies.

"You're here to see your parents?" Aldertree asks me.

"Yes," I nod again.

"I could take you-"

"No," I cut him off, "thank you, but I'm sure you're busy. We can find our way just fine."

When we're a good ways away from Penhallow and Aldertree, Jace finally says something.

"Shit."

"Don't swear like a mundane."

"What else am I supposed to say?"

I unclench my fists and stretch out my fingers. "I don't know… at least you're out of it, though."

"Why? Because they already killed my parents? I doubt that."

"I wouldn't say that too loud around here if I were you, and you know I didn't mean it that way."

"Yes you did."

He's right; it just sounded more harsh out loud. So Aldertree wants to retrial my parents so he gets the chance to see if we'll rebel the same way. I don't understand if that's what he's really looking for; why would re-trialing the last-known Circle members be necessary?

Jace grabs my hand and I almost pull away before I realize he's trying to give me something to hold onto. Something I did for him, once, ten years ago.

So I squeeze his hand and hold on.

Over the years, the guards outside my parent's chambers have gotten lazy and stopped confiscating weapons. Today is different; they even take our steles.

My parents have never let on any discomfort about their small cell. They both grew up in their own family manors, and we grew up in them too, before the Circle was brought down. Where they're kept in the Gard is a significant downgrade. It consists of a sitting room, with surprisingly comfortable couches for a jail cell. Along with two couches is one bookshelf with only books of shadowhunter history. There is no kitchen, as all food is brought to them. One small bathroom with a shower, toilet, and sink. Then a bedroom with beds and no door in the doorway. Comfortable enough to live for a solid ten years but uncomfortable enough that I would want out after ten years.

I know my parents and the Lightwoods can tell something is up right away, but none of them say anything. They just welcome us and ask how we are and everyone gives Jace pity looks, so I remind myself not to because I know he hates it.

"Where's the rest of you?" Dad asks us. The tension in the room increases.

I look at Jace. He shrugs.

"They didn't want to come," I say, "Jonathan is difficult as always."

Mom sighs. "Why do you two fight so much?"

Now I shrug, not really caring with my mind on the talk of a re-trial and whether I should bring it up or not. "You tell me."

I think I see Dad stiffen slightly, but when I look at him straight on, I find I've just imagined it.

"Okay, you two," Maryse says, "what's wrong?"

Now Jace looks at me, obviously thinking it's more my business than his.

I swallow hard. "We ran into Penhallow and Aldertree on the way here… and may or may not have stopped to eavesdrop."

Dad sighs, not with impatience or anger, more like acceptance. "You heard about the re-trial."

"Wait, how did you guys know?" Jace asks, confusion all over his face.

Robert laughs. "Of course we know. How couldn't we with everyone talking about it?"

"Oh," I say. I feel my face fall. They're acting like it's nothing; it's like they don't fully understand.

"We're trying to stop it…" Dad says, mostly to me.

I shake my head, anxiety and fear rise up from my gut to my chest. My head feels hot and a see scrawling runes. My fists clench as I will it to go away. Only seconds pass and I hope no one has noticed. "No," I say. "You shouldn't. I don't want you to go and-"

"Get yourselves killed," Jace interrupts. Suddenly I realize why Jace was giving me something to hold onto. I hadn't realized it until now.

The adults in front of me stare at me, and each other with nothing but pity and sadness in their eyes. Because now there is only two options for them. They're taking up space that the Clave wants back. Space that's unnecessary to be taken. The simple answer is a retrial to strengthen what they know. The Circle was wrong. The Circle was illegal. The Circle was a rebellion and must be terminated. They can either run and live the rest of their lives being hunted down, or be re-tried and take the consequences. Either way, the Elite children of Idris will be nothing but shadowhunters with no parents.

"I guess you've got a decision to make," I say quietly.

"We do," Robert replies.

"What should I tell the others?" I ask.

"Tell them what you know," Dad answers simply.

"Should we mention that the Clave would like _us_ under the Mortal Sword again?" Jace asks.

"What?" Mom says. Clearly, they did not know about this part.

"They want to make sure we won't rebel… like you," I say.

Everyone looks… afraid?

I try to say something to make it better "We hardly know anything, anyways, you never told us-"

"But you and Jace-" Dad is cut off when the doors burst open and the two guard come inside without warning.

"Time's up," one says, and starts towards me, the other to Jace.

I stand. "Since when is there a time limit?" I feel uninvited furry fill my veins.

He starts walking towards me and goes to grab my arm, but I dart from his grasp, too fast to catch.

"Clarissa," I hear Dad scold me and I turn around to look at him, his face is all authority, but his eyes are filled with something I can't quite put my finger on. Maybe pride?

The other goes to grab Jace's arm and Jace steps back. "You don't need to force us out, you know. Our legs work just fine."

"Jace," I hear Maryse say under her breath.

I look over at the adults behind me, each with their own reactions written on their faces. The guard tries to grab me while I'm not facing him, but I didn't move up as fast as I did in the Academy for nothing. I turn and catch his arm before he can catch mine.

But he's more experienced than me and twists his arm around mine until he has a better grip on it.

"Let her go!" Jace yells as I grimace from the tight grip and the uncomfortable angle of my arm.

The guard who went after him then grabs the back of Jace's neck and I watch as Jace goes to elbow him in the stomach, but then my dad is there, pinning down Jace's arms. He says something that I don't hear. Jace's eyes soften, but only a bit. He yanks himself away from the guard and storms out of the room.

The guard with his hand still tight on my forearms goes to lead me out of the room, but I pull as hard as I can to release myself from his grip. "I can find the door," I say, looking straight into his flat blue eyes and then stalk ahead of him out of the room.

I resheath the blades that were taken and snatch my stele out of the guard's hand when he passes it to me. I turn to see if Jace is ready, when Aldertree appears out of nowhere.

I dare to look him in the eyes as he asks, "enjoy your visit?"

We stare at his back as he gives zero chance to reply and walks away.

"We should go," Jace mutters, and starts out of the building at what may be a normal pace for tall people. I fast-walk to stay caught up.

When we open the doors and finally step into sunlight, I feel like I can finally breathe.

Jace slows his walking as we go towards the training center.

"What did my dad say to you?" I ask.

"He said, 'they are watching you - and Clarissa.' Remember what Aldertree said? They want to make sure we don't take after them; that we don't continue The Circle."

"What does that... _oh_." I suddenly realize why it would specifically relate to Jace and I. Reckless, yet skilled; we each moved up quicker than anyone at the Academy. They've always been watching us.

There's silence between us as we go deeper into town, because we're both in thought but also because of the surge of people on the streets. They especially don't need to hear this conversation.

Pedestrians thin as we get closer to the training facility, and when there's no one close enough to hear our conversation, I say what's always been on my mind. The question that Jonathan has never given me a straight answer to, so I've never stopped asking. I wait until we're yards away from our training room doors.

"Do you know what The Circle did?"

Jace stops and turns to look at me. He searches for something in my eyes for a while before sighing heavily. "I don't."

"Alec doesn't?"

He shakes his head.

"Do we have to tell Jonathan?"

Jace looks at me with wide eyes.

"He just doesn't get it. He was the good one, the quiet one. Even Alec-"

"Clary. I can't keep this from Alec, he's my _parabatai_."

"Jace," I mock. "I want answers. All of them."

Jace sighs. "I do too. But we can't keep this from them. Even if we tried, they would figure it out." He lowers his voice as we enter the training facility; one long hall lined with doors on either side. At the end of the hall is double doors; the training room we use. "There's so many things we were never told, maybe Jonathan and Alec could help."

Suddenly the weight of today comes down on my shoulders and my eyes start to water. Crying is something I haven't done in a long time. My throat hurts as I remember my voice going raw as I screamed for them to bring back my dad all those years ago. The pulse of my stele in my pocket suddenly freaks me out, because I know it's all in my head. I clench my fists so they don't tremble.

Jace still notices. He always does. And pulls me into his chest. And then I can't help it, the tears spill over the edge as he wraps his arms tight around me. My head only reaches his chest as he towers a foot above me and I lean my forehead against it as I attempt to stop the tears.

"What the hell?"

I pull away from Jace at the sound of my brother's voice the short distance away from our training room. I didn't even hear the door open.

Jonathan stops short when he sees our faces; tired, and worried, and waiting to tell. "What happened?"

I sigh and wipe the moisture off my face. "Maybe we should head home first."

 **A/N: Please review if you could, let me know what you thought! As I said, I've been very out of practice, but I've been working on this for a long time, making it exactly as I'd imagined. And follow the story so you get emails when a new chapter is posted!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: hello and welcome to the second chapter! Sorry it's been a hot minute, but good news; the story is complete! So all that needs to be done is some editing and then each chapter will be uploaded as I get to them!**

 **Disclaimer: As always, the Mortal Instruments and the shadowhunter world belong to Cassandra Clare, and I've just tweaked some stuff for y'all ;)**

Walking home, we all appear as tight together and secretive as usual, but I feel the tension between each of us. I walk with my arms holding my torso, as if it'll calm my racing heart. None of us will speak or look at each other and the tension is so thick I don't notice the public around me.

I feel like I've completely lost control; Aldertree's words give little information and produce more questions. _Planning to take after their parents. Leave it to the Clave_.

Iz looks like she's going crazy inside without knowing anything. I want to say something to her, but she looks like she almost doesn't want to hear it.

When we get home I watch Jonathan's face harden as I sit next to Jace, and then soften as I meet his eyes. Something's obviously going on inside his head, but I can't tell what and I don't understand why he won't tell me.

"Okay," he says calmly. "What happened?"

"Well we went down to the guard, but we were just about to round a corner when we heard Penhallow and Aldertree talking..." I trail off.

"Penhallow seemed indifferent, but Aldertree seemed too definite on his opinion," Jace says, and I nod in agreement.

"Never liked that guy," Alec mutters.

"Wait... what did he say?" Jonathan asks.

"They feel- or he feels, rather - that our parents are wasting space in the Gard, that they can't stay there forever," Jace answers.

No one says anything, but faces fall, and I continue. "They want to put them back on trial...and us with them. Something about us not following in their footsteps."

"What does that even mean?" Iz asks. "Did you tell them? Our parents?"

"Of course we did. They already knew."

"Obviously," Jonathan says, and my gaze is hard on him for a second.

"And…?" Iz asks. When I look at each of them, it seems that only Jonathan knows what we're going to say next. I look at Jace with pleading eyes.

He breaks off my gaze after a second and turns to Iz and Alec. I stare at the floor while he talks and fiddle with my stele. "And there's two options, both end in never seeing them again. Both end with us being targets of the Clave because we're their children and are likely to follow in their footsteps."

"But we don't even _know what they did!_ " Iz says, I look up to see her stand, her hands up in the air, her eyes are sad despite the anger in her voice.

My face hardens as my eyes slide over to Jonathan. "Jonathan?"

He shrugs. "I don't know what you want me to tell you."

"I want to you to tell me what you know."

"I don't know anything," he says, eyes staring right into mine, not wavering at all. Then he gets up and leaves the room.

But I'm not taking that. Not now, not today. I know for a fact that he knows way more than he's letting on. And I _deserve_ to know; they're my parents too. I'm just as affected by this as him. I get up and follow him. "What is your problem?!" I shout after him. "Why are you acting like this?"

"I don't have any problem. I've come to terms with it all, and you should too."

"You've 'come to terms with it'? So you're willing to just let our parents die? It's that easy for you?"

"I never said that-"

"Yeah well I'm sure that's what you meant. I don't understand-"

I cut myself off as he stops the path to his room and turns to face me. I stop halfway up the stairs, watching him. Anger fills his face, his hands are in fists at his sides, I see them trembling slightly.

"I think you care a lot more than you're letting on, Jonathan, because I _know_ you should care. You love them, they're our parents." My voice grows soft, trying to get him to see it the same way. "You can tell us - you can tell us what's going on, help us understand-"

"Do you still love our parents Clary?" he asks, voice too calm.

The question startles me. The immediate response in my head is, _yes of course_. But I'm not sure that's the answer Jonathan is looking for. I know I care about what happens to them, for my own sanity's sake.

"I know enough about this whole mess to know that you shouldn't love them; they weren't thinking of our lives when they formed The Circle. _So why should we consider theirs_?"

Anger bubbles up inside me. Any calm I had left melts away by the heat of the anger. I stalk up the stairs towards him. I reach Jonathan and he grabs my arm, hard. "Clary, you don't understand-"

"Let. Go. Of my arm," I says sternly, getting into his face.

"Stop acting like a child," he spits back.

I shove him and force my arm out of his grip. "You shut your mouth. They're our _parents_ , of course they care about us! _"_ I shout loud enough to worry neighbours if we had any. I'm trembling all over and tears of anger leak from my eyes. Jonathan's face changes; his eyes widen, his jaw drops. But I keep talking. "You selfish _bastard_! You don't care that our own parents could be executed because you're a _selfish, lying, bastard! They love us and have done everything for us and you don't even love them back!"_

He appears unfazed by my words, though, and it makes me angrier. I close the gap between us and shove him again. He lets me push him. I want to lunge at him, to beat him until he understands.

"Clary!" I hear Jace's voice behind me and his arm is wrapped around my chest, holding me back. It doesn't matter that he's holding me; suddenly my mind won't let me see clearly, it blinds me, working independently. The stele in my pocket pulses.

Patterns of lines forming runes I've never seen interrupt my mind and won't go away. I force Jace's arm away, turn and blindly walk to my own room, shoving the bodies in my way, shutting the door behind me, locking the deadbolt, sliding to the floor.

I tug my hands through my hair. _I'm going insane_ , I think. _They'll have to kill me before they can even put me on trial for these symbols._ I stand, steady, and walk to my desk and pull out a pencil and paper. I have to get the patterns out, somehow, but I can't do it with my stele. My head is just clear enough to know that using my stele to draw the patterns would be destructive. When the pencil hits the paper, I start scribbling madly.

My vision returns, clear and still, with a knock at my door. I look down to find that all the different line patterns floating through my head for so long are in front of me, pieces of paper everywhere. One glance at the pages in front of me and I know no other eyes can see this. They'll lock me away; then surely I'll never see anyone again, not even my convicted parents.

Dad told Jace they were watching us specifically. He knew, but no one else can.

"Just a second!" I shove all the papers into a drawer and shut it. I run over to my bed, messing it up to look like I fell asleep after my fight with Jonathan. When I pass by my mirror, I don't bother looking in it. I know I already look like a mess.

When I open the door, Jace stands on the other side, his face full of worry. "Are you okay?"

I cross my arms tight around my chest. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." I turn before he can sense that I'm lying and sit back down on my messed up bed. Jace follows and leans against one of the four posters. "What's up?" I ask.

His eyes narrow. He knows I'm not telling him something but I don't offer to tell, and he doesn't ask.

"A Clave meeting was called for tomorrow."

My heart drops and I swallow hard from all the saliva suddenly collecting in my mouth. "Tomorrow. And they want all five of us there."

Jace nods even though I didn't ask a question.

"Do you think they'll decide?" I ask with a tiny sliver of hope in my voice.

"I'm sorry, Clary."

Jace's apology doesn't help. My parents have either not heard the news yet or are already gearing up to escape and run for the rest of their lives. If the Clave really is meeting up to discuss the remaining Circle members tomorrow, I doubt it will end well for anyone.

I don't anticipate the next words that come out of my mouth. "Where's Jonathan?" It doesn't make sense; why I say it, because I realize afterwards that it doesn't matter. He probably wouldn't want to speak to me anyways. But I still take comfort in knowing that my brother is around. He said he doesn't love our parents, but he still loves me - I think.

"He left," Jace says. "After you two fought he stormed out and we haven't heard from him since."

I get up from the bed, all other problem forgotten. "How long ago was that?"

Jace shrugs. "Maybe a couple hours."

I start towards my bedroom door and Jace grabs my arm to pull me back. Instead to stopping, I shove him off out of instinct. His back bangs against the bedpost. I instantly take a step back from him. "Don't grab me; I've had enough of that today."

He gives me a weird look. "I'm sorry, Clary… he was just- he was _really_ angry. I'm sure he'll come back when he's cooled."

"We know better than anyone; Jonathan doesn't cool down, he only gets fired up. A couple hours is halfway to the Brocelind Forest, who knows what trouble he'll get himself into?"

I remember what happened at the Academy once. I was flirting with a guy a year older than Jonathan. His name was Aaron. He liked me, I could tell. We were leaning up against a wall outside of the training room because we both had that class together. Our faces were so close I could smell the mint in his breath when he spoke. I was counting on Aaron not caring about me, I was looking for the attention.

It was going pretty well until Aaron slid his hand into the back pocket of my pants.

Jonathan broke his arm. I was the only one that could shove them apart. Aaron never even looked in my direction again. It was extremely difficult finding someone to flirt with after that.

It was no secret to anyone that Jonathan had a horrible temper. The four of us have always tried our hardest not to get under his skin, to tread lightly on the bad days, and I completely went against that.

The emotions build up inside me - guilt, anger - I can't keep track of them. But when I start seeing things again, I shut my eyes and to breathe evenly, try to focus on just one emotion so I don't go crazy again. I press the palm of my hand against my forehead as my head starts to throb. I clench my other hand into a fist.

 _Focus on where Jonathan might be_ , I tell myself. I follow my own instructions and the headache begins to lessen.

"Clary?" Jace's voice is soft, and pulls me up and out through my sea of thoughts. His hands circles lightly around my wrist and pulls it down.

When I open my eyes to look at him, his face is full of worry. "I'm fine," I say immediately, because no one can know that I'm slowly going insane.

 _Think,_ I tell myself again, _where would Jonathan go?_ I think of Aaron again, and realize just exactly where Jonathan might be. I ignore all the questions and Jace's eyes. "I think he went to see our parents," I say.

My sudden revelation catches Jace off guard. "What?"

"He's never been one to hold back, he'll take out his anger on the people he's angry at… he's mad at our parents, not me."

I run out my bedroom and down the stairs. "I'll be back!" I shout behind me, and run off into the streets and towards the Gard.

The suns sets in the time it takes me to get to the Gard, and I continue running down the hallways until I get to my parent's chambers. I hurry through the security as much as possible and only stop to glare at the two guards who dragged me out earlier today.

I fling the door shut behind me, and turn to search the living quarters. No one is in the living room, but I hear voices from the bedroom and run over. They turn to look at me when I appear in the doorway but when I see four instead of five, my heart drops into my stomach.

"Jonathan isn't here," I say.

Everyone looks horribly confused.

I take a deep breath. "We fought and he stormed out and it's been hours, and I thought-"

"He might be here," Mom finishes my sentence, sadness all over her face.

My headaches slightly again. "He wasn't here at all?"

Dad shakes his head, no.

We all stare at each other for a second, until Dad says. "You should go back home, Clarissa."

I look down at my feet, suddenly feeling very small. "I know. Sorry." I turn without looking back up and bite the inside of my cheek to keep my eyes from watering, and then walking back into the living room, towards the door.

"Clarissa."

I turn at the sound of my dad's voice. He walks out of the bedroom towards me.

"Did Jace tell you?"

I nod.

"Good."

I take a deep breath. He told Jace we were being watched, maybe he knows I'm going insane, maybe Jace is too. "Do you know what's happening-?" I catch myself before I can add 'to me' at the end of my question.

Dad puts his hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry for all we've put you through, Clarissa. Whatever happens tomorrow; we love you despite how you feel for us."

"But-"

"I know… just-" he hugs me; the first time in a while. I rest my head on his shoulder. "Just stick with- with Jace," he mutters. "And find your brother. He means well."

"Daddy… what are you talking about?"

"There's a lot of things we never told you. Jonathan knows, though. And I'm sorry we don't have time to tell you now." Pulls away, but keeps his hands on my shoulders. "We're shadowhunters. And we'll not ruin the name. You know what's happening tomorrow; make us proud and we'll try to make you proud."

The door behind me opens, and Dad stands straighter, giving my shoulders one last squeeze.

"Time's up," one of the guards says.

They don't come after me. Instead I turn away from my dad and walk myself out. Once I'm out of the Gard, I wrap my arms tight around my torso to keep away the chill from the cool night air. When I get home, the house is quiet and I go straight up the stairs and climb into bed, exhausted.

 _I'm running down a cold, dark cave. The sounds of dripping water and my footsteps echo off what I assume to be stone walls. I couldn't even see my hand if I held it right up to my face. So I run straight and hope that I don't knock into a stone wall._

 _Something chases after me. It whispers my name with a moist tongue and my name bounces off the stone walls somewhere around me. My head pounds as scribbles and lines jump across my vision. I keep running, but reach down into my pocket to fish out my stele. My head pounds and I almost cry out at the pain building up at the back of my head._

 _I can hear it behind me still, but it's gaining on me in the pitch black, its sounds growing louder._

 _That's when I finally slam into a wall and almost knock myself out. My whole body is in pain now, but my mind is still active and one step ahead. I get on my knees and face the way the thing is coming for me and start to draw. I can't see what I'm doing, but I know what it looks like, I feel the shape come out of the end of my stele._

 _When I'm done I sit back on my heels. The shape I've created begins to glow, lighting up the stone around me. A network of tunnels. And coming after me, a giant worm with the face of Inquisitor Aldertree. Suddenly, my parents run out from the two passageways on either side of me. The worm sees them and his attention immediately goes to them. I scream as the light of the rune I've created flares up into a blinding light around me._

I jolt awake in bed. A cold sweat runs down my back.

 _The rune_. It felt so familiar, but I've never seen that one in my life, and I've got them all memorized. All of them. Even the demonic ones; the ones steles can't handle.

My door cracking open startles me, and my hand flies to the drawer of my bedside table, where I keep a dagger. My heart pounds loudly in my chest, ready to see the worm come through my door.

"Clary?" Jace's voice is quiet compared to the pounding of my heart, but it calms when he steps through into my room.

"Sorry I woke you," I sigh and throw the dagger back onto the bedside table.

"No, I was awake anyways."

"You want to talk about it?" I ask him.

"Not really. Do you?"

I hesitate. _Stick with Jace_ , is what Dad said. I know I can trust Jace, but this is- this is messed up. "Maybe later," I sigh.

Jace hesitates in the door frame. "Jonathan isn't back yet," he finally says. "We should try a tracking rune in the morning."

I nod in the almost dark.

He turns then to leave.

"Wait-" I say before I realize. "Do you… want to stay?"

He takes a hesitant step towards me. "Do you want me to?"

I nod.

So he gets into the bed beside me and is awkward until I lean into him. He wraps his arms around me until I'm against his chest. I feel his breath against my hair. "You safe now, it's just a dream," he murmurs.

I shut my eyes and breathe him in. "I don't believe you."

I feel his lips press against my forehead before I drift back to sleep, all remnants of my nightmare gone except the rune, which is still burned on the inside of my eyelids.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading and don't hesitate to hit me up with a review; don't be shy I love reading them! And to find out when I post the next chapter, go ahead and follow the story!**


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n**

 **hey all sorry it's been a little while but here's chapter 3! enjoy!**

 **disclaimer: cassie clare owns all this stuff yadayada**

I wake up with my head pounding. I slide out of bed and leave Jace still sleeping soundly. My stele sits on my desk and I pick it up and draw a painless rune on my side. It won't help the headache right away, but if it's on my side, it'll stay hidden - and that's what I'm counting on.

When I get downstairs and go into the kitchen, Isabelle and Alec are already awake and sitting on the couch. They stop their quiet conversation when I walk in, but I just go straight to the fridge and pull out orange juice.

"Jonathan isn't back yet," I say to the fridge.

"Yeah, which won't help our case at The Clave meeting today," Alec says.

I sigh. "I went to the Gard again last night; I thought he might be there but…"

"He wasn't and if he's not back The Clave is going to use it against us," Isabelle says, looking at me like I'm the guilty one.

"I know that," I say softly, not wanting to fight anymore. "But what am I supposed to do?"

"He's _your_ brother."

Alec shoots her a look. "Iz, come on."

"Well it's true."

"Maybe we should just try a tracking rune." Jace voice comes from behind me as he comes into the living room. He sits between Alec and I on the couch and throws an arm up onto the couch behind me.

Iz give me a look. "You haven't done that yet?"

I narrow my eyes at her then get up and go up to Jonathan's room. I scavenge his pillow and grab a stray hair; tracking runes work better with DNA.

I run back down the stairs, making sure the piece of hair doesn't fly out of my hand. Everyone's waiting in the kitchen when I come back down. I pull my sleeve down to expose the inside of my wrist and press the tip of my stele to it and draw the tracking rune. Then I close my eyes and wait.

Black.

A burst of something too fast and too blurry to see clearly.

Then more black.

I open my eyes and see three expectant faces.

"So…" Iz says.

"That was fast," Jace mutters.

Alec's hands are clenched together in front of him. "What did you see?"

I drop my hand from in front of me and let the strand of hair fall out of my hand. "He doesn't want to be found."

"You're kidding," Iz says, but it's not a question.

My headache comes back and I lean on the kitchen counter to press my hand against my forehead. "I wish I was… he's blocking it."

"It doesn't matter; we still have to go to that Clave meeting in an hour," Alec says. I look up from my hand. "Everyone go get ready."

We all obey without question and soon we're walking down to the Gard alongside all the Clave members on their way. Except we've got five foot perimeter around us, a hundred pairs of eyes watching us, and whispers all around as to the whereabouts of my brother.

When we reach the Gard, Penhallow is standing outside and her eyes lock on the four of us. I feel relief when it's just Penhallow waiting for us, but I know Aldertree must already be inside. A flash of his body in a mutated worm-like state from my dream last night appears in my head. I grimace.

Alec is the one to greet her for us. "Consul Penhallow," he says, nodding his head.

Penhallow nods her head back and then turns and starts into the Gard, expecting us to follow. "You're smart kids, so I'm sure you know what's happening. You're to sit in the front centre seats to reach the dias easily. I trust Jonathan is simply running late?"

"He'll be here," I say, surprised at how confident I sound.

"We shall see."

A chill runs up my back and I resist the urge to wrap my arms around myself.

We follow Penhallow without another word and it's like being back at the Academy, except worse. This time it's not other teenagers with their hands held up to their mouths to conceal the whispers and rumours. This time it's adults who make no move to cover up the things they're saying. The worst part is that I don't know whether some the things I hear are true or not; I try to block it all out.

I sit between an empty seat meant for Jonathan, and Jace, who sits next to Alec, with Isabelle beside him. As we stare at the dais in the centre of the half-moon of seats, I'm afraid our backs will catch fire with so many pairs of eyes burning into them.

And if Jonathan doesn't show up, I have no idea what they might do to us… to me. A rune flashes in my head, not the one from my dream, but more similar to a tracking rune. I try to force it away and clench my hands hard into fists, forcing my nails to dig into my palms. It works. Seconds after the room is at it's loudest, it goes completely silent when Penhallow goes to the centre of the dais and raises a hand. "I understand this was short notice for a Clave meeting, but I'm glad you've made it."

My heart pounds in my chest when she glances at the empty chair beside me. "Most of you, anyways," she says directly to me.

I resist the urge to squirm and press my finger nails harder into my palms.

"It has recently been brought to my attention that we've no longer the room for the remaining members of The Circle: Maryse and Robert Lightwood, and Jocelyn and Valentine Morgenstern. In their initial trial, they were to be secluded indefinitely. But, after it being ten years, your Inquisitor and I feel it's best to do a re-trial."

"Why can't we just execute them now?!" Someone shouts from behind me.

"Yeah," a different voice says. "What they did was bad enough in the first place, why do they need a re-trial?" Multiple murmurs of agreement follow and I want to curl up into a ball.

Penhallow raises a hand and everyone falls silent again. "We are not a cruel people. We gave Starkweather a second chance, can we not do that for the rest?"

Whoever is directly behind me scoffs. "I doubt the leaders of the Circle are not going to feel sorry about what they did."

"Yeah, and what about their kids? How do we know they won't take after their parents? How can we be sure they aren't going to carry on the Circle?" Someone further away asks.

My self resistance crumbles. I turn to face the person. "How about the fact we don't even know what they did? We were _children_."

Jace reaches over and squeezes my wrist.

"Half of you still are," someone else responds to me.

"Clarissa," Aldertree says, meeting my eyes. I hold my chin up despite wanting to pull out a blade a chop his head off; I can't stop seeing him as that giant worm. "May I ask; where is your brother, Jonathan?"

Jace's hand against mine squeezes once before letting go; a reminder.

"I don't know," I say calmly; not without effort.

All the muscles in my body stiffen when the woman behind me scoffs again. "We're all supposed to believe you?"

"How are we supposed to believe anything these kids say? Put them under the sword!"

All four of us look at each other with the same wide-eyed expression. So much for being brave shadowhunters; but we all have horrible experiences from being under the power of the Mortal Sword ten years ago.

And now the pain of my fingernails digging into my palms doesn't stop the lines before my eyes. Different runes I've never seen before in my life take place in the daydream part of my brain and I know what they do, what they're for. My head pounds over everyone continuing to say whatever pleases them.

And I wouldn't dare use them.

"Jace," I say through my teeth and quiet enough that no one else will hear. "Get me out of here."

We meet eyes, and I'm not sure if he can tell it's not the rude comments around us that's bothering me. It's the overwhelming feeling of needing to defend myself; wanting to get out.

Jace clears his throat. "With all due respect, Consul, Inquisitor. I believe there may already be a solution in place rather than letting everyone shout at each other."

Aldertree's eyes narrow and I watch the gears turn in his head. "You're correct, Jace Herondale," he says, and then turns his eyes back to the rest of the room. "The Clave meeting was called today to make not one, but two decisions. If there are any objections to re-trialing the remaining members of the Circle, please state your objections now."

If any of us were to object, it wouldn't matter, so we all stay silent. The runes disappear with my attention focused on something else, but my brain still pounds against my skull. Now, I reach to Jace's wrist and squeeze it in thanks.

"If you have any objections to Clarissa Morgenstern, Jonathan Morgenstern, Alexander Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood, and Jace Herondale being apart of the trial, and being under the Mortal Swords power, state them now," Aldertree continues. Silence follows once again.

Penhallow nods her head and suddenly the doors into the room open. I whip my head around, hope rising in my chest that it might be Jonathan. Instead it's mine, and Alec and Isabelle's parents. Their wrists pressed together in front of them with binding runes.

The lines start in my head again and when Penhallow starts to speak I hardly hear her.

"The remaining guilty members of the circle - Jocelyn Morgenstern, Valentine Morgenstern, Maryse Lightwood, and Robert Lightwood - will begin their re-trial to determine their future roles in the Clave after committing multiple crimes against it."

" _Jace_ ," I whisper. But I can't tell if he heard me. I grab my thigh to keep my hands from trembling.

"If necessary, the remaining children of the Circle will be pulled into the trial to answer questions and determine their own futures as shadowhunters," Aldertree continues.

" _Jace,_ " I whisper again. My head flares with pain, I shut my eyes tight and watch as lines scrawl across my vision. It's like my dream; the rune makes perfect sense, I know why I'm using it. My mind is betraying me, trying to get me to find Jonathan, trying to help me get my parents out of the mess they created. My surroundings fade to black and I have to resist reaching for my stele; hot in my pocket.

I feel my hands shaking against my thighs from how tight I'm clenching them, but I don't feel any pain except for the pain in my skull.

Something cold against the back of my neck. Something hot and burning on my wrist.

I open my eyes to find someone finishing a healing rune on a wrist. I can hear again, the ringing gone.

"Clary?" I turn towards my mother's voice, which is not too far away. Dad and her are both kneeling in front of me. Jace is beside me, his cool hand on the back of my neck, he pulls away when I move. The Lightwoods are all up on the dias, staring towards us with worry.

The rest of The Clave's meeting room is empty.

"Where is everyone?"

"The Clave is tough, but not cruel," Dad says carefully. "They're letting us talk to our children."

"Are you okay, Clary?" Mom asks.

I don't know how to answer her question. I honestly wasn't sure if I'd be seeing and talking to my parents ever again. "I…I don't-" I cut myself off. _They're watching you_ \- Jace's voice says it in my head, but I watch my dad whisper it in his ear. "Yeah, I just zoned out, I guess."

The three people around me know I'm lying; it wasn't meant to be believed.

"I don't know why," I add. This time it's the truth.

Dad's eyebrows furrow together, like he's trying to figure it all out.

I stand up without a problem, the _iratze_ doing its job, and walk over to the dias, everyone follows so we all stand in a circle. "So," I say. "Are we getting answers or what?"

"What?" Maryse is obviously startled by the question.

Iz crosses her arms. "How are we supposed to watch you on trial if we don't know what you did?"

Dad's shaking his head before Iz is even done speaking. "No, we all agreed it's safer for you to not know."

"Why? So they can't connect the pieces?" The voice startles me and I turn to the doors to find Jonathan leaning against the frame. "What about me?"

"Jonathan!" I yell with relief. I almost go over to hug him, but his eyes tell me to stay where I am; he wants no part.

"We knew you could handle it, Jonathan," Mom says.

"And the rest of us can't?" Isabelle asks.

"No," Mom answers. "We told Jonathan after the initial trials; not even until he was sixteen, if you really must know. But then word came to us of the possibility we may be put on trial again."

"Unfortunately, it's almost impossible to find a willing warlock for hire while you're rotting away in a cell," Dad says.

"A willing warlock for what?" I ask.

"To erase my memory of them ever telling me," Jonathan says. "Problem is, a lot of stuff I noticed as a kid finally made sense, and it's hard to erase something when it spreads throughout your entire memory like that. Apparently all the warlocks that could do it still believe it's too risky, no matter what price you're willing to pay. Especially on a shadowhunter…. that's why I'm not staying."

"No," I step towards him. "You have to stay, Jonathan."

His face falls. "I can't."

"But what if they don't let you back?"

"Oh I highly doubt they will."

" _Then don't go_."

"I'm sorry, Clary," he says, and I can tell he really means it.

I don't have the chance to say anything else as he turns around and walks away. I run down to chase after him through the hallways of the Gard, but when I get through the double doors of The Clave's meeting room, he's gone.

"We don't get to know _anything_?" Isabelle asks when I return to the dias.

"The only thing you need to do is be careful," Maryse says.

"Because they want to make sure we don't follow in The Circle's footsteps," Jace says. He puts it lightly.

I've never admitted out loud; The Circle, rebellion against The Clave. My parents are criminals, but to me they're just my parents. They thought what they were doing was right until they realized it wasn't.

"Exactly," Dad says with hardly any emotion.

After a few beats of silence, I finally try to say what's been on my mind, "I thought you were going to es-"

"We couldn't," Mom cuts me off.

"Why?"

Dad exhales, his age suddenly reveals itself. "They're not oblivious; we were threatened if we didn't… follow through… with the trial."

"They didn't threaten _us,"_ Robert corrects, looking at Dad. "They threatened _them_."

The air stills along with my heart as terror fills my veins. _Could they really do that? Kill us if our parents tried to escape? Torture us?_ And then I think they must be able to because why else would our parents form something like The Circle.

But I can't think that, because if I do, I'll be killed anyways.

The door squeaks and a guard steps inside, my heart thumps loudly, waiting for him to kick us out. "Two minutes."

I don't have time to look away from the guard before Mom wraps me tightly in a hug.

No words are passed while we say our goodbyes. I watch as the parents left treat Jace like their own, and do their goodbyes with just as much love.

I'm hugging Dad last - while the guards are distracted, getting ready to detain him again - and slip the piece of paper from my pocket and into his. If he noticed, he concealed it well. I give him one last tight squeeze and then we both step away from each other.

I watch my parents get taken away for the second time. Except this time defeat hangs in the air. There's no screaming, no banging on doors. Just silence.

For the first time ever, on the way back to the house, there is at least a foot between each of us.

We all sit at the table, staring at our dinner and not saying a word. There's nothing to say without it being supremely depressing. I wonder if everyone feels the same as me; empty. Not only are my parents set for death, but if Jonathan doesn't get his head straight, he will be too.

Five days until the retrial starts. That's how long I'm giving Jonathan to come back. If he doesn't, then I give up on him, which is not something I want to do despite our screaming match yesterday. I don't understand how he can't see it the way I do. But then, I remind myself, he knows everything. He's more informed to have an opinion than any of us.

Isabelle takes a deep breath and opens her mouth like she's ready to start a conversation, but then shuts her mouth.

"What did you put in Valentine's pocket?" Jace asks suddenly.

I start.

"What?" Isabelle asks, obviously she didn't see what Jace did.

"It was just a letter," I lie.

"You wrote your parents a letter?" Isabelle asks again. "You didn't want to tell us that we might be able to pull off the same thing?"

"It was sort of a last minute thing-"

Isabelle's chair sliding against the floor as she gets up cuts me off and it stings.

Before I can retort, Alec slides his chair back. "Jace and I are gonna go train tonight, you guys in?"

"No," Isabelle and I answer at the same time.

"Thanks, though," I add.

"Yeah, we'll just hang out here," Isabelle says, her voice terse.

 **a/n: don't forgot to follow, favourite, and leave a review! I love to hear what y'all think/your reactions! I did want to mention that the story is finished, I'm just in the process of separating chapters and editing. I really appreciate how passionate y'all are about the story that you have ideas about what you want to see, though!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: welcome back! I hope you've all had a good holiday – I wanted to get this up on Christmas Day as a gifts, but alas, life is busy even when I'm not in school it seems. Anyway, enjoy chapter 4!**

 **Disclaimer: the usual, the world of shadowhunters belongs to Cassandra Clare**

An hour later, Isabelle and I sit in the sitting room, staring at the walls. At first it was awkward, but now you could cut the tension with a knife. Neither of us has anything to say. Every time I do think of something, it's too heavy a subject.

I'm about to give in and ask what happened to our friendship years ago, but Iz beats me to it - on a lighter subject but not entirely one I want to discuss.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

The question startles me. "What?"

"At The Clave meeting; you… I don't know, blacked-out or something… are you okay?"

"Oh, that. Yeah, I'm fine," I lie.

"You scared us all, you know. The entire time Penhallow and Aldertree kept blabbing on, we were just anxious for it to be over to figure out what was going on with you."

"No one else noticed?"

She shakes her head. "Didn't seem like it. Except Aldertree. He kept staring. But he probably just thought you were upset."

I shudder at the idea of Aldertree staring at me while I was trying to fight off the impulse to blow the place up.

Isabelle doesn't miss it. "I know. The guy freaks me out."

"He sort of reminds me of a worm," I say, and Isabelle immediately doubles over laughing and I join in, because it is funny, nightmares aside.

When the laughter stops, Iz has another question that surprises me. "How different do you think our lives would be if our parents hadn't done what they did?"

"We don't even know what they did."

"Yeah, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is where they ended up."

"I guess so," I say, really thinking about it. The Clave would have a fit if they found out Isabelle said that - _it doesn't matter what they did_. But it's true, in the eyes of their children. Despite what happened, we still have gone more than half our lives without real parents around. It's possible that it affected us more than anything else. "I guess our lives would be a lot different."

"Jace would still have parents."

"My brother wouldn't have run away."

"When he comes back, they'll strip his marks, you know," Isabelle says.

My chest aches suddenly. After all of this I might not just be without parents, I'll be without a brother. "What if they did that to our parents?" My voice doesn't sound like my voice, it sounds like the voice of someone who has nothing left.

"It'd be crueler than just executing them. I don't love them enough to follow, though. It's not like life would be any different either way."

Her words don't affect me like Jonathan's did. He flat out said he didn't love our parents; Isabelle simply doesn't love her's enough to stop being a shadowhunter. I don't think I do, either.

"You know what else?" She pauses and I nod. "I would have another sibling."

 _What?_ " _Pardon?_ "

She just nods. "After whatever happened... happened, she had a miscarriage. She was three months along."

I just stare at her. There could be two explanations. One; a simple miscarriage. Tragic. But it does happen. Two; a fight. A fight much larger than we were led to believe. I think of Consul Malachi, how he suddenly disappeared after the Clave brought down the Circle. He must've died somehow for them to elect Penhallow as Consul. I wonder what happened the night they took our parents away.

"So we would have much different lives. But I just want to know what really happened with The Circle. It kills me; not knowing."

"Then we'll find out," I say.

"What?"

"There has to be something, _somewhere_. We all want to know what The Circle did, so we should all go looking for it."

"What about the Mortal Sword?"

I shrug. "There's not much we could do about that. Just because we _know_ doesn't mean we were involved. They can ask us, and we'll answer."

I look out the window to my right, the sun is just starting to set.

"Wanna go train?" I ask Iz. "I'm sure there's still time."

She smiles. "Might as well."

We quickly change into comfortable, training clothes and jog over to the training centre; taking shortcuts through alleyways to not just get there faster, but to avoid clumps of population and watching eyes.

When we get to our training room, Jace and Alec turn from their dagger throwing.

I stifle a laugh. "Wow, there's a lot of manly shadowhunter training going on right now, Iz," I say. "We should leave them to it."

We turn and fain walking out the door, but Jace retorts and we turn back. "Dagger throwing is an important skill alright?"

I pick up a dagger hanging on the wall by the door where we keep them and focus on one of the targets. With a quick wrist flick, I throw it across the room; at least 10 metres away. It sinks into the target; not right in the bullseye, like I was hoping, but close enough.

Alec lets out a low whistle.

"Not fair. Daggers are like… your _thing_ ," Jace says.

" _My thing_?" I question.

"Yeah. Alec's good with the bow, Iz is good with a whip."

"And you?"

He pats the seraph blade at his side.

Iz scoffs beside me.

"Alright, Herondale," I say. I turn back to where we keep the weapons hung up and pick up a seraph blade. "Let's go."

He raises an eyebrow, but meets me in the middle on the thin mat at the centre of the room.

"No way!" Alec shouts. "Can't you use blades that _aren't_ powered by the heavens? The wounds are much easier to heal!"

I'm shaking my head before he's even done talking. "Jace thinks seraph blades are his _thing_ so we're testing it."

"No. I'm not letting you guys kill each other."

"For some reason I feel like we've all had this conversation before," Iz says.

She's right. It happens almost everytime Jace and I want to duel each other.

"Yes, and Alec always loses," Jace says. "So just be ready with a stele or something, alright?"

Alec mutters something under his breath, but steps off the mat anyway.

"Hand to hand combat?" I ask.

"Allowed," Jace says. "Cuts?"

"Minor."

"Don't worry, I'll go easy on you," he says, flashing me the runes drawn up his arms. He and Alec must've been doing hand-to-hand before we got here. I've hardly got any on.

I smirk. "No need. Good luck."

I swing the seraph blade at his waist, but he blocks it with his and heaves it back. I launch myself back at him, not letting the fight pause, with a solid grip on the hilt of my blade and he has to jump back, swinging his blade at me, which I block with my own.

Then I side step around and try to thrust a hit to his torso. It throws him off but not enough. I watch his blade come at me, but I'm not quick enough and earn a slice on my bare shoulder. I suck in a breath through my teeth from the pain.

He doesn't stop though, the blade come straight towards me, horizontally, and I twist mine around it.

"Going easy on me?" Jace asks as we meet eyes.

"You wish."

I pull my blade back and aim high this time, but I'm not careful enough and Jace blocks and tries to throw it out of my hand. It almost does. My grip loosens, and I have no time to readjust before he's coming back at me, officially knocking my blade to the ground.

It doesn't stop me, though. I jump quick enough to be behind him and throw a fist to his side. But he turns and I get a cut to my calf, the seraph blade burning away the fabric of my pants. The movement puts me right next to my own seraph blade. I pick it up and immediately drive it towards him. The blow is hard enough to throw his block off so that my blade is inches from his face. I don't quite pull it away, instead drawing a small cut on his shoulder to match the one on mine.

"Do you two really have to do this?" I hear Alec say.

As he does I block Jace's sword with mine, but we're so close together I earn a punch to the jaw, throwing my head to the side.

Alec continues grumbling and I feel anger and adrenaline start to boil up inside me. Jace and I pull our swords away and I come back harder, stronger. One blow, one block, another blow, another block.

Another cut to Jace's arm throws him off and I throw another punch to his side.

I should've expected it, I should've blocked it. Jace's blade scrapes along my torso and I feel the blade burning and dragging smoothly through the thicker skin there. I immediately feel warm blood start to gush from the long, deep cut. I don't scream but it's pretty close. I drop my blade to clutch at the pain and double over onto my knees.

"Clary!"

The pain burns more than any of the other cuts I received from Jace's blade. I squeeze my eyes shut and wrap my arms tighter around my stomach, as if it would numb the pain.

Jace's hands are me. "Clary, you have to move. Let us see it."

I let Jace's hands guide me to lay on the ground and remove my hands from the gash. My fingers are slick and warm with my own blood when I pull them away.

"This is why you shouldn't ignore me," Alec says. My eyes are still squeezed shut but I can feel him right above me. Everytime I suck air in and out of my lungs through my teeth, it pumps more blood out from the long gash.

"Shut up and draw the freaking rune, Alec," I say through my teeth.

I hardly feel the burn from the stele as my wound continues to outdo it. But I feel when the rune is done, and the bleeding is reigned in. I open my eyes as the burning fades, and grab Jace's shoulder to sit up, earning a sting from my torso in the process.

"Careful," Alec says. "That gash was pretty bad. Probably won't be fully healed until tomorrow night."

I smile at Alec as Jace helps me up to me feet. "Thanks."

"Yeah. Would you two just listen next time?"

Jace smirks. "Not a chance."

Alec rolls his eyes and starts towards the door. "We should head home now, anyways."

I look down at my torso, blood still trickles onto my stomach. I look up to say something, but Isabelle is already passing me the gauze. I use it to patch up the gash.

I start to pull away from Jace, but his grip on me tightens. "I can walk fine, you know." His arm leaves my waist and I take a step, but it turns into a limp because of the cut in my calf. Breathing still makes the gash on my torso sting, as the rune tries to heal it with my lungs constantly expanding against it.

"I'm really sorry," Jace says, putting his arms back around my waist, we start to walk and I hope no one can notice that he holds a lot of my weight.

I shrug. "I guess seraph blades _are_ your thing, then."

Back at the house, Jace starts to help me get up the stairs.

"I could just carry you up, you know."

I roll my eyes. My breathing is more like hissing through the pain as I make my way up the stairs, Jace's arm tight around my waist.

"Do you need another rune?" he asks.

I shrug. "Probably," I say, as we get to my room. I sit on my bed and let myself collapse backwards, sighing and pulling my stele from my pocket.

We're quiet as I draw a healing rune on my torso.

"Clary…" Jace's voice is almost a whisper.

I sit up to find myself looking at his back. He stands at my desk, looking down at a piece of paper in his hands. He turns and shows me the paper. One of the ones I stuffed into my desk drawer after the fight with Jonathan. I cleaned it up a bit when I grabbed one to put in my dad's pocket, but now I'm realizing I should've just burned the rest.

I jump up from the bed and run over to shut my bedroom door, wincing a little from a flare of pain from the gash in my side.

"Jace," I say quietly, walking towards him slowly. "Please, you can tell anyone, okay? If the Clave finds out they'll- I don't know what they'll do… they'll kill me."

"What is this?" His voice is quiet as mine and confused.

"I'm going insane."

His face turns sad, all his features go slack. He puts his hands on my shoulders. "No you're not-"

"I've never seen those runes before, but I know exactly what they all do. You can't tell anyone, you can't mention a word. I'm dead, Jace. They'll kill me and I don't even know why…" the words keep coming out of my mouth, I'm going into hysterics. I grip onto Jace's wrists. "Jace, please." I think of my dad, and how he probably knows, and how he told me to stick with Jace. But my mind just can't figure it out, there has to be missing pieces.

"Clary, what did you really put into Valentine's pocket?"

I swallow hard. "One of those," I say, nodding towards the drawer.

"So your parents know, right? And if it were something really bad, they wouldn't leave you on your own to figure it out. Valentine said they were watching us… _us._ We'll stick together."

"Are you drawing runes that don't exist, too?" I ask, a bit of humour in my voice.

Jace smiles. "No, but I think Valentine gave us a clue to why we did so well at the Academy…"

"Without even trying," I add.

"Exactly."

"You can't tell anyone, Jace. Please."

Jace sighs and pulls me into his arms. I wrap my arm around his waist as his go around my shoulders. "I won't." I feel his head rest on top of mine. "I promise."

 _The stone walls around me are damp and darkness engulfs me between the torches on the walls. Something ahead calls towards me. But the tunnel keeps going straight, until it looks like a never ending black hole at the very end. I walk for what feels like forever, all that passes by are the torches with their fiery glow._

 _Suddenly every torch burns out. The darkness startles me, but I keep walking, something calls me towards it. Then my foot hits something and I trip forward, when I fall my hands meet an edge and I start climbing the stairs in front of me, blind._

 _I climb until light appears. A single lit torch mounted beside a door. I turn the handle and emerge into a room from between two bookshelves._

 _Not just any room, the library of the Morgenstern Manor._

 _And Jonathan sits at the huge desk by the stain glass window; the centerpiece of our library. I call Jonathan's name, but he doesn't look up from the desk, and when I take a step, it doesn't make a sound._

 _I keep moving towards the desk and whatever Jonathan continues to look at. When I eventually get to him and look over his shoulder, he flips the page of the photo album._

 _The photos are of a group of ten different shadowhunters, all in their gear with their blades sheathed. They look like they're just getting ready to graduate from the Academy._

 _Jonathan flips the page again, and then I've no doubt who the people in the pictures are. My parents stand side by side, decked out in their gear; Mom has a hand on a dagger, Dad unsheathing a seraph blade. In the picture next to it, Dad has his arm slung around Mom's shoulder, holding her against him. She looks straight into the camera, but he looks down at her like she's his entire world. The next picture is almost the same, except they're both gazing at each other like the camera isn't even there._

 _Suddenly, Jonathan slams the book shut, pushes himself out of his chair, and storms out of the library, slamming the door behind him._

 _Just as I'm about to open the photo album to look through it myself, I hear my name being called. Not like a normal voice, but like a whisper in my head. It comes from the door I just came out of._

 _Except when I look up at it, the door is no longer there, instead there's a bookshelf in it's place._

" _Clarissa," the voice sings._

 _I walk towards the bookshelf and feel around for someway to move it, but it's as if it's bolted shut._

" _Clarissa, you must save me."_

 _I stare at the bookshelf desperate for a way back. "How?" I ask._

" _I will show you, you have to trust me."_

 _I find my hand reaching for my stele. I pull it out as a rune flashes through my mind. I'm prepared to draw it on the bookshelf but I know that's not what it's meant for. I press the tip of the stele to the inside of my forearm._

 _I feel the familiar sting on the rune on my arm as the voice continues in my head. "You must find what you are seeking, Clarissa. Or may Raziel help us all."_

" _Clary?" A different voice. I turn to find Jonathan behind me._

And then my dream disappears. I slip into consciousness and slowly open my eyes up to the ceiling above me. It felt real. Not just one of those dreams where you thought it was real but it's easy to shake off. This one was _real_. So much so that I can still feel the stinging on my forearm. I scratch at it to go away.

My room is still and dark. My eyes feel puffy and my head sore; probably from last night, with Jace. My heart shudders when I think about it. But he promised not to tell, and I trust him. I just have to make sure that I'm first under the mortal sword, in case a question triggers the answer.

But it's our secret to share. Both of us advanced way too fast in the Academy. Dad says the two of us need to stick together.

My room is still dark, but when I look out the window I can see the beginnings of dawn. Birds flying in the dark sky, the glow of witchlight in nearby windows.

I pull my own witchlight off my nightstand and pull on a sweater to keep away the chill of the morning, and make my way downstairs to the kitchen. Might as well stay up if it'll just be light out soon. My side is sore I as walk down the stairs, and I have to take it slower than I'd like. The gash is my side is almost gone. Only scab and pink puffy skin remain.

With nothing better to do, and the words from my dream caught in my head - _You must find what you are seeking, Clarissa. Or may Raziel help us all -_ I find myself making pancakes. Probably enough to feed an entire army of shadowhunters.

The sound of pounding feet startles me as I flip the last pancake onto a plate. Alec appears at the mouth of the kitchen. "Clary? Is that you? I don't think I've ever seen you up this early!" He checks his watch as sarcasm drips from his voice.

I shove his shoulder a little. "I couldn't fall back asleep," I explain.

He eyes all the pancakes. "Obviously." He grabs one and sits at the table with it, I follow suit. "How's your side?"

I shrug. "Mostly better. Only a little sore."

Alec frowns. "You two are so lucky you didn't kill each other. Fighting with seraph blades like that is dangerous. You know that."

I don't know how older brothers do it, or maybe it's just Jonathan and Alec practically raising us, but they've got a way of making you feel guilty when you don't want to be. And suddenly the pain of my missing brother flares in my chest.

"I do."

"You and Jace just get so reckless sometimes." He sighs. "I'm glad you're feeling better."

I want to ask him about Jonathan. If he might know where my brother went, because I want to find him. But he's practically already given me the answer: no. Alec wouldn't tell me in fear of me doing something reckless.

I smile, "thanks."

Izzy and Jace don't get up too much later. Their reactions to my early-morning rise are similar to Alec's; both much less forgiving. Izzy proceeds to ask me if I'm sick, and Jace wonders if Sleeping Beauty has been kidnapped. I wonder what Jonathan would say.

That's when a pounding at our front door fills my ears. We all stand up from the table, startled but ready for something that might burst through. We all rush towards it. My mind fills with hope; that it's Jonathan, that it's my parents and they've been pardoned. But when Alec opens the door, my heart sinks into my stomach and beats aggressively. At our door are Clave guards. Again.

"The Consul and Inquisitor wish to speak with you," one guard says.

"All of you," the other adds.

"What is this about?"Alex asks. As he does, Jace steps up beside him, I watch as their shoulders expand, blocking Iz asks and I from the guards.

"The Mortal Cup is missing."

"What? And you think it was us?" I ask.

"Follow us," the first guard replies, ignoring my question.

We follow the guards down the streets of Alicante, the streets are quiet, but only as we pass. Behind me, I hear whispers beginning, and suspect something has already leaked to the public about the missing Mortal cup. We stay many steps behind the two guards but huddle in closely to each other. Alec and Jace remain shoulder to shoulder in front of Iz and I. And I keep my ears sharp, my senses on edge as my back is exposed to the world. Jace reaches a hand back to me. I take it and he gently squeezes and releases my hand before anyone notices.

But when his hand is gone from mine, I begin to miss the warmth, and wrap my arm around Isabelle next to me. She obliges and puts her arm around my shoulders.

Our footsteps echo through the halls of the Gard, sharp on the marble floor. The dagger and a stele in my belt grow warm, I pat them once under the surface of my shirt to make sure they're still there. We climb a set of stairs at the end of a hall and then walk all the way to another before coming to a set of double doors with two more guards on either side. No questions asked, they open the doors for us. Our escorts step inside and we follow. The only thing inside is a desk with a few stacks of paper and a window the size of the whole back wall, the view of Alicante gleams below, all the way out to the shadows of Brocelind forest.

Inquisitor Aldertree and Consul Penhallow both stand behind the desk, backs to the view.

"We'll get right to it," Penhallow says. "I know that most of you are- or perhaps _seem_ oblivious to the schemes of your parents, but with Jonathan Morgenstern and the Mortal Cup both missing, I have no choice but to assume."

"If it means anything," I say, trying to sound calm and keep my tone even, "I don't think my brother has any intention of wrong-doing. And I don't think he did this."

"Would you like to suggest another suspect, perhaps?" Aldertree asks. "It certainly wasn't your parents. They're under lock and key at the moment."

"I don't wish to lock you all up before we can get you back under the Mortal Sword. I cannot speed up the trial process either," Penhallow continues, as if Aldertree and I said nothing. "You kids hardly know the life of a true shadowhunter, you grew up in Idris and are bound to stay here for the rest of your lives."

Jace and Alec tense in front of me and I realize what Penhallow means: we were never going to be allowed to leave - to become shadowhunters outside of Idris - because of our parents.

I told Jonathan in our fight that our parents were thinking of us when they rebelled against the Clave, but I'm not sure they thought about what might happen if they failed.

"So I have a deal to make, assuming you all make it through. I'm sending you off to retrieve Jonathan and the Mortal Cup by the time of your parents trial. If you succeed, I may reconsider your futures."

"Three days," Aldertree confirms.

"Do we have a choice?" Jace asks.

Penhallow and Aldertree glance at each other; a silent conversation. "Not if you'd like to one day live a life or fight outside of Idris," Penhallow confirms.

I take a deep breath. "I'll do it." Because I want my brother back. Because I don't want to just train other shadowhunters for the rest of my life. Because I want to find out what I am and what my parents really did.

Iz nods. "I will too."

Jace and Alec glance at each other, then back at us. "We're in," Alec says.

And just like that, we've turned our backs on our parents.

 **A/N: I hope you all enjoyed, don't forget to review to let me know what you thought! Favourite the story if you're enjoying it and follow if you want to be notified when I post new chapters!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: welcome back! Here's chapter 5 for 'ya – no spoilers, but I think you'll like it.**

 **Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns the characters/world/etc**

When we return home, we go straight down into the basement. Somewhere we aren't too often in this house. It's where we keep extra weapons, which we don't usually need since we all have our favourites in our rooms.

I strap extra sheaths to myself and fit them with daggers, along with two seraph blades across my back. I zip a jacket around myself and gloves over my fingers for warmth and pick out a new pair of boots. We sit around the table in the middle of the room, mostly quiet. I bang my boots around against the edge of the table to stretch and wear them a bit.

"They weren't really thinking of us," Iz says. "Not afterwards." It's exactly what I had thought about while we were at the Gard. Our parents weren't thinking of the consequences being _us_.

"They thought they were right," Jace says.

"Everyone does," Alec murmurs under his breath.

" _Sed lex dura lex,_ " I say. The Law is hard but it is the Law. "The point is that I don't think Jonathan took the cup, he has nothing to gain from it. Maybe if we can prove that, they'll let him back, they won't-"

I cut myself off. I can't even think of the torture he'd go through getting his marks stripped.

Iz meets my eyes apologetically. She's the one who put the idea in my head just yesterday.

"What?" Jace asks, oblivious as I was.

"They'll strip his marks," Iz replies for me, as I duck under the table to put on the boots.

"Maybe we'll find some answers on our way," I say, zipping up the boots to my knees. "I say we start at the Morgenstern Manor. He's bound to be there."

"Good idea," Alec says when I pop my head back up. "Hopefully we don't have to look anywhere else. I'm not spending the rest of my stupid life in Idris."

None of us mentions that our parents will have to, despite what their trial may conclude.

I get up and strap my bag across my shoulders. "We should leave as soon as we're ready. I'm heading out to the stables." On the way back, the other thing we discussed was transportation, and our horses seemed like the best option.

Jace grabs his bag. "I'll go with you."

We walk at a moderate pace over to the stables. Our horses are taken care of by the Starkweather family. They take care of a lot of horses for other shadowhunter families. But with our families' long standing wealth, our horses have a private stable off the main one. There are few people that are hanging about and stare wearily as Jace and I pass by.

"How're you feeling?" Jace asks.

"Fine?" I'm not sure what his question is getting at.

"I meant the cut on your side, but I suppose the question was quite vague."

"Oh, that," I say. "It's fine. All healed up now."

We reach the stable and I wait until the door is shut tight behind us. "I hadn't realized we'd be stuck here forever," I say quietly.

"I'd thought about it, but I didn't think they'd enforce it… or use it against us."

"Well it's a pretty good incentive, because there's no way I'm training little shadowhunter kids for the rest of my life."

Jace laughs a little and passes me a saddle. "What did you want to do?"

I shrug. "At least go out and fight something _real_."

"Ever thought about how we're the best one's out there and we've never been sent out anywhere?"

"No - I guess I never really did… at the academy I never had to try. It was mostly about annoying my brother as much as possible, causing trouble with Iz, training with you. I didn't realize our lives were this complicated."

As I turn to my own horse, I scratch at my forearm, my skin there feeling dry and sore. I pull up at my sleeve to look at it and immediately roll it back down.

"What?" Jace asks. Obviously I didn't hide it very well.

I pull up my sleeve to show Jace. Before he can say anything, I start talking in a whisper. "I had this weird dream last night; it was in the Morgenstern Manor. Jonathan was there looking through pictures. And then when he left there was this voice and I took out my stele and drew this, but it was just a dream, I don't understand-"

Jace closes his hand around my forearm and pulls my jacket sleeve back down. "Do you know what it means?"

I shake my head no. "But I'm gonna figure it out; we're going to Morgenstern Manor, there has to be something there."

"Do you think Jonathan is really there?" His voice holds something behind it; something accusing.

I pull my arm from his grip. "I want my brother back. I want a life. I want to know what the hell is going on in my brain. If I have to figure it all out in the next three days then I will. We're not at the academy anymore, okay? I'm not just thinking of myself here."

"Who said I was against you? You're not the only one with weird stuff going on in your brain-"

"Of course I think Jonathan is really there. It obviously wasn't just some ordinary dream," I gesture to my covered arm.

"What do you think it does?" Jace asks.

I shrug. "I think it's tied to what we're looking for."

The door to the sables bursts open, scaring the horses. Not Jace and I, we heard Iz and Alec bickering from about a mile away.

"Jace, would you please tell your _parabatai_ that one little tube of lipstick is not going to affect anything?"

"It's taking up space for another vial of holy water!" Alec argues.

Jace smirks. "I'm with Alec on this one, sorry."

"Clary?" Iz looks at me with pleading eyes.

I laugh. "I'll I'm gonna say is that there's probably plenty of room in someone's pack for a vial of holy water or lipstick."

Iz takes the measly vial of holy water from Alec's hand, opens up her pack, and drops it in.

Alec rolls his eyes. "Just saddle up."

The stables are right on the edge of Alicante's protection field of the towers; unfortunately, they don't look towards Brocelind Forest, so we're forced to bare the stares of the shadowhunter population as we walk our horses down the city's streets to the front gates of the city.

To my surprise, Consul Penhallow is there to see us off at the front gates.

"Clary, could I speak with you a minute?"

My thoughts are nothing but suspicion; wondering what she wants from me. But I hand my reins over to Jace, who takes them with a worried look. When Consul Penhallow leads me away from the others, I fight the urge to cross my arms over my chest and settle for my hips.

"I know you're not my biggest fan right now, Clarissa," she says. "But you have to know that your mother and I were great friends once, when we went to the academy…"

When she trails off I become annoyed. "What do you want?"

"I don't want to believe that your brother took the Cup. And if he didn't, I'll fight for him against the rest of The Clave. I don't wish any harm upon your family."

I watch her eyes as she speaks; they're full of worry and concern. "How do I know you'll do that? The entire Clave want to see my parents dead, and I'm sure they'll want Jonathan's marks stripped. You can't fight the majority."

"I can't promise you anything. Just because I am the Consul doesn't mean I can control The Clave. But I can give you this." She takes out a sheath holding a shortsword. It's hilt is engraved with stars, the end of the blade peaking from the sheath glints in the retreating sunlight. "A Morgenstern blade," Penhallow continues. "Part of a matching set; your mother sent me to find them after she was imprisoned, wanting you and your brother to have them when you each turned eighteen. But this was the only one I found in the Manor. I think you should finally have it. Maybe it will bring you luck."

I take it and strap on the sheath. "If I know anything about my family's past, it's that we don't have much luck," I mean to walk away then but stop myself. "Thank you."

She only nods and we turn away from each other.

"What was that about?" Isabelle asks as I take my reins back from Jace.

"Nothing," I reply, not wanting to explain.

Each of them eye the new blade at my side but say nothing, sensing I don't want to discuss it.

We let the horses start at a normal pace, not wanting them to tire before the long journey to the manor. With the horses, we should make it to the edge of Brocelind Forest a little after dark, where we'll camp until the sun comes back up.

"Okay so what do we do if Jonathan isn't at Morgenstern Manor?" Isabelle asks.

"He's there," I say before anyone. "Where else would he be? There's nowhere else in Alicante he would have reason to go to."

"The rest of us don't know of anything outside of this place if we don't find him there," Alec says.

" _I know, Alec_ ," I say probably a little too harshly. "You have a better idea?"

"I didn't mean-" he huffs, "nevermind." I hear his horse come from behind me and trot a few yards ahead.

I roll my eyes.

"Clary," Isabelle sighs from beside me.

I look over at her. "What?"

"Jonathan isn't just your brother, he's ours too. We're all worried and want to get him home, okay?"

She doesn't give me the chance to answer as she leaves my side and rides ahead with Alec. Not that I could reply with anything, anyways, because a pounding starts in the base of my skull.

"Angel help me," I whisper too low for anyone to hear. But my horse slows as my attention goes elsewhere, I squeeze my eyes shut and try to breathe evenly. The rune on my arm I don't recall drawing stings.

A flash of the Morgenstern Manor library.

"Are you okay?" Jace asks from beside me.

I open my eyes and realize we've stopped, Jace and I. Isabelle and Alec are still moving up ahead. I immediately get my horse moving again. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"That was a horrible lie." Jace's horse rides steady beside mine.

"Why does it matter? It's not like I can do anything about it. We're looking for Jonathan, it's almost dark, we're not even to Brocelind Forest yet, and we need to be back in two days. I care about my brother not being stripped of his marks, whatever else is going on is just going to have to wait."

"Only you would make a situation wait, like a disobedient animal."

It's odd; the tension around us snaps and we're both laughing until our sides are in pain, making incoherent jokes and laughing even harder. The horses don't like it very much, but we don't notice.

Then, as we come to the top of an incline, Brocelind Forest awaits us at the bottom, dark and looming. The sun finishes it's final descent behind the horizon and only our witchlights illuminate the world around us. I glance behind me once to find a faint glow just caressing the horizon; the City of Glass is far behind us.

I turn back to Brocelind Forest. If one thing has ever scared me, it's the forest. A demon? A rogue downworlder? No problem. A dark forest holding Angel-knows-what? Scary.

Jace dismounts his horse. "We should camp out here; a little way from the forest."

"Good idea. Who knows what goes on in there at night?" Isabelle says.

I don't argue. And when Alec and Jace volunteer to be on watch first, I fall fast asleep.

 _Morgenstern Manor. I know I'm dreaming but it_ feels _real. Like I'm not actually asleep, like another part of my mind is here._

" _Your brother needs you." A voice radiates from somewhere._

 _I'm back in the library, staring at the wall I came through last time. The bookshelf that covered a doorway._

" _You will need to decide," it says. "Help your brother or me."_

" _Who are you?" I ask. "What do you want?"_

" _Your brother will be the death of you."_

 _Anger boils inside me. I don't want this… thing inside my head. Telling me what to do, what to think. "What do you want?" I ask again._

" _I want nothing from you Clarissa. I only want you to see the truth."_

" _That doesn't make any sense… and this!" I roll up my sleeve to reveal the rune. "You did this! Why?"_

" _I did not."_

" _You did! Who are you?"_

" _You must decide," the voice repeats. "Your brother needs you, find him in the manor, your mark will help you."_

" _What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"_

 _Suddenly the entire manor begins the shake. I have to cover my head to keep a book from knocking me out as if falls off the top of a shelf._

I snap awake. Witchlight glows around me, stars above me, but the rest is so dark, I can hardly make out the trees of Brocelind Forest.

"Clary?"

I jump at Jace's voice. Forgetting him and Alec took watch. But just a little ways away from Jace, is Alec fast asleep.

Jace shrugs when I look over at Alec. "I'm not gonna wake him up if I don't have to… you okay?"

"Always." But I don't bother making it seem like I might be telling the truth.

Jace nods, and turns back to watching the dark stretching out around us.

Needing the extra help, I take my stele out of my pocket and draw a rune on my arm. When the burning fades, my eyes are enhanced and adjust to the dark. Instead of going back to sleep, I sit beside Jace, our arms pressed together.

"I don't think it's just Jonathan in the manor," I say quietly, as if talking any louder might disturb something in the darkness.

His shoulders shake, I turn to see him smiling. "I should've known."

"Going for Jonathan, staying for answers."

"I'm in."

"Really?"

Jace meets my eyes. "Could I really let you figure it out on your own? I want to know what's going on with me, too. You're dad said we've got to stick together, so that's what we'll do."

I smile up at him. "Thanks, Jace."

He smiles back for a second and then it disappears. "Did you just draw a rune?"

"Yeah… I couldn't see out in the dark."

His brows scrunch together.

"What?" I ask. "It wasn't a freaky one, if that's what you mean-"

"No… I just don't seem to need one. I don't really ever seem to need those runes."

I lace my fingers through his, one simple movement with our arms pressed together. "We'll figure it out."

"Just don't get yourself killed, okay?"

"Touché."

My head falls to rest on his shoulder and I feel his lips press against my forehead, making a tingle go down my spine.

"I don't really blame Jonathan for leaving," Jace says. "It'd be nice to escape it all, just for a minute."

I sigh. "I just wish we knew what will happen when we get back… Jonathan, my parents, Robert and Maryse."

"Yeah, mine are already gone so I don't have to worry about much."

I sit up. " _Jace_ , I-"

"Don't apologize. Maryse and Robert, your parents; it would hurt just as much. You just have to get over it when you've got nothing left."

"You're crazy if you think you've got nothing left, Jace." His eyes change, and my hands find themselves against his jaw. "You've got Iz, Alec, _me_. We don't know how much longer our parents we'll be around, but _never forget about us_."

My hands slip down to his shoulders but I feel his against my face, now. He leans forward, until I feel our breath mingling in the small space between us.

"I wouldn't dare," Jace whispers.

And we close the space between our lips, let them meet in the middle.

" _ANGEL HELP US!_ "

Jace and I break apart as the sound of Izzy's voice.

Alec startles awake, drawing a dagger out of a side sheath. "Wha-? Iz there's nothing here!"

"Jace and Clary were like, sucking face or something!"

I sigh. "We were just kissing."

Alec whip his head around to us. "Wait, what?"

Isabelle's face looks as if she saw a demon carcass for the first time. "When in a thousand years would you two ever kiss- wait… by the angel, I can't believe none of us ever saw this coming."

"I'm so confused," Alec groans.

"It's so obvious!"

Jace squeezes my hand and then lets go before saying, "I think we might have a bigger situation on our hands at the moment..."

I follow his gaze towards the forest to find a group of maybe thirty vampires looking straight at us. Then without anymore warning, they attack.

 **a/n: thanks for reading y'all! Review, follow, etc. so I can find motivation to keep writing this thing lol**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: as you may have noticed, I've changed the description of the story as well as the rating. Not because of this chapter, but the next. Please proceed accordingly. I genuinely care that you enjoy the story so please check the trigger warning.**

 **Anyway, on we go. The usual disclaimer as always, is in affect: Cassandra Clare owns the mortal instruments and its characters, etc. I just play around it.**

The vampires advance up the hill towards us, and to protect our belongings, and the now scared horses, we run down to meet them. I unsheathe two daggers in my belt, but leave the Morgenstern blade and my two seraph blades. The seraph blades do wonders against vampires, but only if they dare to get close enough, and this group is breaking the Accords advancing on us as they are. I slice at anything that comes near me, not letting their teeth get anywhere near my skin.

The silver daggers cause most of them fall in pain. I know it won't kill them, though, and after they fall, they get back up and try to advance on me again. They won't be dead until I can reach a longer blade to decapitate them.

To my left, I can hear Jace and Alec trying to talk to them, tell us who is their clan leader and who told them to act against us. But they get no answers.

Suddenly, I'm grabbed from behind, a cold hand choking me from behind, slamming me into the ground with superior speed. I yell in pain but it's soon cut off as the vampire squeezes my neck harder. I have no choice but to drop one of my daggers and reach for the Morgenstern blade. Vampire blood sprays me as I slit the vampire's neck and it releases it's hold on me, giving me leverage to cut the rest of the way through it's neck.

The shortsword's hilt feels perfect in my grip, it's blade perfectly balanced. I turn toward the rest of the vampires pursuing me with a new strength and begin to advance on them.

Suddenly a pain cry rips through the fight. _Jace_. I can't turn, I can't get distracted, or it'll be my voice ripping through the sound of slaughter. But my heart quickens and my moves turn sloppy.

"Jace!" I hear Alec trying to help his _parabatai_.

 _Alec will help him_ , I think. _They're parabatai, Alec's got him._

And then there are no more vampires pursuing us, about ten of them start retreating back to the forest, without reason, without any visible sign telling them to retreat.

I put away my weapons before turning and running over to Jace and Alec. Isabelle runs up the hill towards our camp.

"What happened?!" I ask.

Alec pulls down on the shoulder of Jace's shirt to reveal blood oozing out of two teeth gashes. "How much holy water did we bring?" Alec asks.

"A few bottles," I say, looking away from the gashes against Jace's shoulder.

Alec shakes his head. "It's not enough."

Jace groans, "well then, it'll have to do, won't it."

Isabelle comes back down the hill, carrying bottles filled with holy water. "We've got vials, too," she says handing a bottle to Jace. "But they wouldn't help much, and we might need some later…"

Jace chugs down the bottle, knowing what he has to do - it's not the first time any of us has been bit by a vampire - only to vomit it back up seconds later, staining the ground in front of him.

"It hasn't been too long," I say, hand on Jace's back, supporting him. "It might be enough." Even though I believe myself, a rune still flashes in my mind; one I know will help, discard the use of the holy water. But I couldn't dare use it on anyone. Not even myself; I still don't know what the purpose of the one on my forearm is.

Jace barely gets half of the next bottle down before he's vomiting again.

"Let's hope," Alec says.

I cringe as Jace vomits again. "How'd this happen, anyways?"

"Like it always does," Alec says, standing. "Jace plays with them, let's them get too close, makes his _parabatai_ worried sick." Then he climbs the hill back up to our camp.

An hour later, Jace is asleep, face still slick with sweat but without poison in his system; confirmed by him responding to a healing rune. Red light stains the sky from the rising sun, and I watch as it burns the vampire corpses between us and Brocelind Forest.

Isabelle comes over and stands next to me as the corpses turn to ash. "So… you and Jace."

I look over to find her smirking and have no doubt that I'm blushing for the first time in my life.

"Are you guys like… a _thing_ now?" she asks.

I frown. "We never really got to discuss it. It just happened."

"Okay, well just warn me before you have that conversation."

"What? What's that supposed to mean?"

She shrugs. "I don't know, you guys just don't have relationships. At least, not at the Academy."

At the Academy, Jace and I weren't just smart, we were popular. Not popular in a way where we had a lot of friends, but in a way that people gave us the reckless attention we wanted. Usually it was one time or two and then acting like it never happened the next time we saw the person. Jace and I never got together with each other, but now it feels like it was always bound to happen. For some reason, we were always just comfortable around each other, when we were younger it was like a sibling or best-friend relationship, but lately it's been growing into a real relationship. My stomach clenches thinking about the trust we've found in each other going away if our new-found feelings and relationship turned sour. But now that it's escalated, it's not something we can ignore.

I hear footsteps come up behind us and turn to find Jace walking towards us, slowly, his jaw clenched. Even after watching him throw up all night, I want to kiss him again. _Well,_ I think, _he definitely doesn't feel like my brother anymore._

"Hey," he smiles. "Iz, I just want to talk to Clary…"

She rolls her eyes and starts to walk away. "Fine."

When she walks away Jace tips his head towards mine, but I push him back.

His face falls.

" _No_!" I defend myself, and smirk. "You were vomiting for hours, there's no way I'm kissing you right now."

Jace begins to laugh but ends up coughing instead, bending over at the waist. I panic, not knowing what to do, but then he stops.

I rub his back. "Are you okay? Was it enough holy water?"

He stands straight and nods. "Yeah I think I'm just recovering."

I know he's right. We've all been in the same situation, he just needs a couple healing runes and he'll be fine.

"So we're okay, right?" Jace suddenly asks.

I frown. "Of course we are."

He doesn't make eye contact. "I just… didn't know if you were okay with it. I didn't want you to feel like you were kissing your brother or something…" I watch as he shifts his weight and runs as hand through his hair. I don't think I've ever seen Jace nervous before.

I tuck my face underneath his as he stares at the ground and kiss the side of his mouth. I hear him gasp a little. When I go to pull away he doesn't let me and wraps his arms around my waist.

"We are definitely okay," I whisper in his ear.

"How's that rune on your arm?" he whispers back, reminding me of the slight burn it still gives.

"I don't know," I say honestly. "It hasn't proved much yet…"

"We'll figure it out." He pulls away and kisses my forehead. I shiver goes down my spine.

"Alright! Let's go!" Alec calls, finishing suiting up his horse. "We're already running late on the day!"

We walk back over, on the way, I pull out my stele, feeling the need of extra runes and pull up my sleeve to find it out of room. I don't dare pull up my other sleeve, for fear of Isabelle or Alec seeing the rune they shouldn't.

Jace appears to be fine walking back, but before we head out, Alec insists on drawing another rune on him. I would've done it, but _parabtai_ runes are much stronger.

Soon we're on a non-existent path through Brocelind Forest. It's barely half a day's journey to the Morgenstern Manor now. I can't imagine what it may look like when we get there, I haven't been in ten years. My chest begins to feel heavy with anticipation of seeing the manor again. I wonder if Jace or the Lightwood's may want to see their old homes, but I don't want to mention it; especially to Jace.

Maybe I'll wait until this whole mess is over first…

 _If we all live that long,_ I think, and then shudder at the thought.

It goes by quickly, we make the horses run a little faster, all of us eager to find Jonathan. But when we're about halfway there, the rune on my arm is much more than a tickle. It's _burning_. I hiss through my teeth, and Jace, riding next to me, snaps his head around to look at me.

My head starts to pound.

 _No not now,_ I think. _Why now?_

Darkness floods my vision. I shut my eyes so I don't feel blind. My hands let go of my horse's reins. One hand clawing at my sleeve, at the rune, to make the pain go away.

 _Clary_.

It's the same voice. I want to scream at it, tell it to leave me alone, but this time I can't. The voice isn't cutting into my brain this time, it's quieter, fading.

And then it's gone. The burning… not completely. But the world appears around me again.

" _Clary,_ " I hear Jace sigh in relief. His voice coming from above me.

I open my eyes to find my head in his lap. "What happened?" I ask, sitting up, looking around me.

"You fell right off the horse."

"I-"

"I hate to ruin us being relieved that Clary isn't dead," Isabelle says. "But I've never seen that rune before…"

I meet her eyes, and they're full of panic.

I don't tell Alec and Isabelle everything. I don't know everything, anyway. I tell them I don't know what the rune does, that I don't remember doing it. That I see other runes sometimes.

But I think this rune might have to do with Jonathan. It feels different the closer we've gotten to the manor… and that voice. It's fading, and I know I can't let it disappear. I don't tell them this, though. Isabelle looks freaked out enough.

"So why do you keep blacking out?" Alec asks, concern all over his face.

I shrug. "I don't know…" It's only partially a lie. "We should get going though, we're almost there."

I go to get up, and Jace helps me, even though I don't need it. "We're probably only two or three hours away, now. If we go fast enough, we can definitely make it in two," I say, brushing off everything I told them just minutes ago.

Though I see concern in everyone's feature, no one argues. We all want Jonathan back, we all want this all over with.

Just when the trees become as thick as ever, and we think we may have gotten lost along the way, we emerge into a vast valley; one we all recognize but never thought we'd see again so soon. Hills roll around us and in the distance I can see the other family manors. Now all sagging and forgotten. But the one sitting just a short distance from us looks brand new, exactly the way it looked ten years ago. Wildlife continues to grow around it, but it looks as if there were a shield surrounding its edges, keeping it from harm.

Morgenstern Manor.

I immediately dismount my horse, and my chest feels heavy as I stare at my old home. No one says a word, and the Lightwoods and Jace look over the hills at their old homes.

Finally, Alec says, "You sure he's here, right?"

My rune starts to slowly burn, on cue. "I'm positive."

I start forward, balance runes keeping me from stumbling on the uneven ground beneath my feet. It takes a while before I hear the shuffling of everyone else following behind me and I come to a stop at the front door, my hand hovering, hesitating over the door handle. Emotion courses through me. The last time I saw this door it was torn from it's hinges. Jonathan must have put it back up. My friends- my family behind me doesn't say a word. No one forces me to go onward or make my decision, they just wait patiently. Or maybe they feel it, too. Their own childhood homes lurk around us.

Finally, I touch the handle and hear the lock click - the door may have been ripped from it's hinges, but the magic stayed, waiting for one of us to come back.

I can't help it as I step inside and behold my home - tears fall down my cheeks, I swipe them away quickly. It's the pictures of us on the mantle of the fireplace, the soft cushions of the couch, the long dark hallways that still seem warm and inviting. But as I pull myself together I realize something is off. The air is too stale for Jonathan to have been living here. The only thing signifying his presence is the mess all cleaned up.

I can't have been wrong. He _has_ to be here.

"I-" I begin, and then cut myself off, not sure what to say.

"Clary," Isabelle says from behind me. I don't turn to look at her. "Maybe he _was_ here, but I don't think he is anymore. It's quiet. He would've come to us."

I ignore her and take a step, continuing down the hallway to my right, descend a small set of stairs into another sitting room, but keep going. To the library.

My dream of the passageway. I need to know if it's real. Because if it is, I know that's where I'll find Jonathan.

The second our footsteps echo around the library, a whisper fills my head. _Clary._

I grit my teeth together and turn towards the bookshelf.

"Clary," Jace puts a hand on my shoulder and I look back at him, into his worried eyes. "Please explain."

I nod. "I think- I think Jonathan is somewhere my parents never told me about. It's behind that." I point at the bookshelf.

"How do we get behind that?" Iz asks as I turn back around.

A rune flashes through my mind. This time I listen to the voice and the image and press my stele into the fading wood of the shelf. The base an angelic rune, but sharp edges surround it. It glows and then the shelf crumbles to dust, leaving a stone archway gaping behind it. The hallway is dark until suddenly a torch lights up on one side, it's flames dancing.

"Angel help us," Alec says as we step through.

The walls are damp like my dream. Torches are lined against the walls and go up in flame as we walk by, only to extinguished once we're past.

We walk for a while, I stay in the front but I can feel the warmth of the bodies behind me. We begin descending a set of stairs.

"Idris's elite children, eh?" Jace whispers behind me. "So isolated and protected from the rest of the shadow world, never lift a finger, get away with everything, get around everyone."

"Powerful, untouchable elite," Iz chimes in.

"Families broken by the creation of The Clave, yet we continue to protect their children? They deserve to face every shadow out there," Alex continues.

"Let them stand together," I say, "and all they'll do is recreate what their parents attempted. Send them away."

Mocking the Clave, the whispers, the rumours in the darkness feels good. Only The Angel can hear us, only The Angel knows that we're innocent byproducts of our parents. The crime they committed.

"Angel help us when we find ourselves in their grasp, when our ashes are spread over Jonathan Shadowhunter's land, when our bones are constructed into the City of Bones," Jace prays.

"Let us be remembered not as the elite children of The Clave, but as warriors who defended our world from infection," Alec continues.

"And," Iz says, "Angel forgive our parents for betraying The Clave, let them go in peace, let them hold their dignity."

I swallow hard and reach my hand back. Jace's hand closes around it immediately. "We pray to Angel Raziel that our families do not die without dignity, that we are not the end."

"And we're sorry we never remembered how to end these things," Jace finishes. I almost laugh.

We come to the bottom of the stairs and walk down a short hallway and into a room full of ghosts of the Circle. My brother in the middle.

 **A/N: I just want to repeat that you should really check the trigger warning in the description of the story in order to continue reading it with the next chapters. I've finished the story as well and the trigger warning will continue throughout. My tumblr is on hiatus, but if you have any questions, please message me there (waylandwarrior).**

 **As always don't forget to review and give it a follow to see when I post the next chapters!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N VERY IMPORTANT PLEASE READ:**

 **I mentioned this in the last chapter but I really want to make sure everyone know that there is a serious TRIGGER WARNING for anorexia and suicide in this chapter and it continues through the rest of this fanfic. If you are sensitive to this trigger, please stop reading I promise there are other awesome fanfics on this site without these triggers. Thank you.**

 **Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns shadowhunters, I just play with them.**

Paper decorates the walls of the round room built of stones slick with underground moisture. The sheet of paper are filled with scribbles and runes - demonic runes. I don't understand them and infer my rune knowledge adheres strictly to those approved by the angels. Plans for the better world our parents wanted. Weapons of all shapes and sizes liter the counters. Spoils - trophies from successful missions - sit in glass cases on high, round tables. Broken pentagrams are all over the floor, along with dried blood.

Jonathan stands amongst everything with a single blade in his hand. The runes on the blade mirror those on the walls around us. He looks horrible, like he hasn't put anything into his body. His cheekbones stick sharply out of his face and his clothes hang off his body like they would a wire coat hanger. His face is slick with sweat, despite there being a cold chill in the underground room.

His knuckles poke out of his hands like razor as he grips onto the blade like his life depends on it.

"Jonathan," I whisper quietly. My lungs fill with relief that he's here, but I don't dare go any closer to him. I watch as he eyes the blade strapped to my back, the Morgenstern blade.

His hand holding the dagger trembles, and I realize it's the matching dagger to the sword Consul Penhallow gave me. He doesn't move.

"We can't win, Clary," his voice aches and creaks. "The Clave is poison, and we can't win."

My eyes burn as I realize what Jonathan intends to do with the blade in his hand. But I can't get my feet to move.

"This is the end, Clarissa."

"Jonathan," Alex says from behind me, his voice steady. "We need you. We need you and we need the Mortal Cup back."

"But you don't," his voice begs, as if trying to convince us to go with him and instead of staying away. "You all have each other. You can all survive this. _I can't_. I know that. And the cup! That's what they always wanted," he lifts his hands, gesturing to the walls around us. "So I got it before they did."

Alec stays on track, remembering what has to be done here. "Where is it Jonathan?"

"It's where no one will find it."

Alec takes a step towards Jonathan, Jace follows. " _Where_?" Alec asks again.

Jonathan swallows. "I chucked it into Lake Lynn. So no one can use it, so no one else will get anymore ideas like my father did."

"Jonathan-" I manage to say. My words come out like I'm choking on them. My eyes dart between his scarred eyes and the blade in his hand.

He turns the blade towards himself. "I didn't want you to be here, Clary, I didn't. I really didn't." Tears leak from his eyes.

I feel my own tears dripping down my face and I finally will my feet to move as I watch him turn the blade. "Jonathan! No, no, please!"

Jace stops my path, holding me by the waist. I dig my nails into his arm. "Let me go!"

"Please, Clary," Jonathan says. "Please let me."

"No! They said- the Consul said she would persuade them if we brought you back! Please! Please, Jonathan you're my brother, I can't lose you. What am I gonna do without you?" My voice breaks. I try to conjure up a rune in my mind to fix it all and come up blank.

"You'll be just fine without me. None of this was supposed to happen with me around."

"No," I dug my nails deeper into Jace's arm, trying to get him to let me go. "No, Jonathan, we'll help you. Please, please come home."

"I'm sorry," says Jonathan before plunging the blade into his chest. He falls to his knees. Bursts into flames. But I can't see it clearly through the tears in my eyes. I tell myself I'll cry until until the flames go out, but they don't die, and I watch the paper on the walls go bright with the fire.

Jace pulls me back. Away from the flames, but I struggle against him, trying to get to my brother. I could still save him.

I hear Alec shouting. "Clary! Don't be stupid! This house is going to collapse on top of us!"

I listen, but tears continue to blur my vision. Jace presses something into my hand as he hauls me away. My Morgenstern blade. I hadn't realized I dropped it, but clutch onto it like a lifeline as we run back up the stairs and through the house, flames burning it to dust behind us.

The fire stays contained. Probably because of the magic around the house. We stay in the meadow, safe enough away with our horses. I watch Morgenstern Manor burn down, my friends stay by my side. We mourn Jonathan.

It almost startles me when I see a small flame next to me. But I finally pull my eyes off of the house to see Alec send a fire message.

"To the Consul," Alec answers my silent question with a quiet voice. His eyes are red and still linger with moisture and grief of our dead brother.

I nod, and look back at the burning house. No more tears fall; they stopped when I realized my own life was in danger and we escaped to the meadow. I bring my knees up to my chest and hug my arms around them, letting my head fall so I don't have to see the remains as the fire begins to die.

Grief threatens to take over. I never thought I could scream and cry like the day my parents were taken away. Today proved me wrong. I think of Jace holding me away from Jonathan, and I know he thought he was helping, but as I roll over the situation in my head I think of all the ways I could have stopped him.

Jace's hand is light on my shoulder. "Clary."

I gently pull away from him. "Please, don't"

"We should go now."

 _Not quite._

I recognize this voice. It's the one from my dreams, but it's not hollow and echoing.

I jerk my head up in the direction of the voice and find Jace, Alec, and Iz, all staring at the lot the Morgenstern Manor used to be on. Nothing remains of the grand house that once stood there, no burnt wood, no floating cotton from the furniture, no scraps of pictures. Just a figure. A broken, horrible figure.

I get off the ground to stand.

 _My name is Ithuriel._

"Wha-" Iz starts, but cuts herself off.

 _There is something you all must face. Something you all must know. Valentine Morgenstern has had me imprisoned since before any of you were ever born._

My mind is plunged into darkness, and then suddenly I'm a spectator of the past.

I watch my father summon Ithuriel, then imprison and torture him. The screams of the angel make me want to gasp breath into my own lungs. Years of torture go by in a second and eventually, Ithuriel endures the tortures, and my father resorts to taking the angel's heavenly blood. I watch him experiment with it.

Ithuriel makes it clear to us that the rest of The Circle has no idea what my father is doing. I watch Celine, Jace's mother, enter the picture. I watch as my father gives her a cup of tea spiked with Ithuriel's blood. I watch as she sips on it, allowing it into her swollen belly.

A year later I watch as my mother drinks the same thing.

And soon, as Jace and I grow up, I watch as Ithuriel is forgotten in the dank cellar my father kept him in.

When we come back to the real world, we all stumble before regaining balance, my arm burns hotter than ever...

 _It is all I can tell you, for it is all I know. My soul is crumbling quickly now and I must let it. I trust you children will do what is right. And Clarissa, you will no longer be ill, as I will no longer be alive to sustain your seeing abilities._

I don't remember anything else but a flash of light.

We wake a few miles out of Alicante, our horses grazing around us, as if we had been lying there unconscious for hours. I glance at my arm to only see the scar of the rune that Ithuriel had me draw. What I thought was a connection to Jonathan, my blood and brother, was really a connection to Ithuriel, the angel who unwillingly gave me his blood.

My ears adjust, the ringing in them fading and I hear shouting around me.

I look up to find guards running towards us, Consul Penhallow in tow. We all get up and stand before they can reach us, ready. I want us to be in private, to be able to talk about what just happened, the information we've discovered. There's no chance, now.

"No Jonathan?" Is Penhallow's greeting.

I feel like I'm going to vomit as Alec answers, "He - uh, he's dead." I knew he can't help his voice cracking on 'dead'.

Penhallow's face falls. "I suppose we should discuss this elsewhere." She turns and we follow her into Alicante.

People peek out of shop windows as we're escorted through the city; they gape at the heavily armed guards around us, our own armed bodies, and the now-permanent hole in our team.

When we reach Consul Penhallow's office, we sit at her long desk and steaming mugs of tea are put in front of us.

"Please explain," She says.

"There's not much to explain," Jace says, giving everyone the hint that we shouldn't tell her about Ithuriel.

"He was at Morgenstern Manor... in a hidden basement. He had already told us he knew too much, he knew he wouldn't make it through the trial... so he..." Alex trails off and though I don't take my eyes off my mug, I feel his gaze on me.

"It's fine, Alec," I say, though we all know it's not fine, and I'm not sure if anyone else wants or know how to say it.

"The blade he used had demonic runes on it," Jace says, skipping over the words entirely. "Flames erupted and didn't stop until the whole house was gone."

I look up to see Penhallow nodding. "And do you know how you got back to our gates?"

"No," days Iz. "We just... woke up here. Must've been something Jonathan did."

"I received your fire note, Alec, we will be searching Lake Lynn very soon."

"I don't think he was lying," Alec says. "I think you may find your search successful."

Penhallow continues to nod her head. "I'll let you all see your parents in a few minutes."

She goes to stand, but I'm on my feet first, holding a hand out. "I'd rather just go home," I tell her.

"I'll go home, too," Jace says.

She nods. "Very well. Alexander? Isabelle?"

"I would like to see them," Iz says.

"Same," Alec chimes in.

Jace and I walk back to the house and I let him put a secure arm around me. We talk quietly enough that anyone trying to listen in won't hear.

"I couldn't see him after knowing..." I trail off.

"Especially when our mothers had no clue," Jace says. "I don't want to see him." His hands briefly clench into fists.

"They'll find out. The Mortal Sword will pull it out of us. We'll become outlaws, Jace."

Jace shakes his head. "There's no law, not yet. And it's not our fault."

"I don't think that will make a difference to The Clave. I don't think they'll care."

I let out a heavy sigh as we reach the house and step inside. "My mind is finally clear, now that Ithuriel isn't in it, but I can't enjoy it because I'm so mad at everyone!" I complain, my voice raised. "My own brother just killed himself! You held me back from stopping him; none of _you_ tried to stop him! And then I find out my dad-" I cut off as a sob wracks through me. "Ithuriel's finally out of my head, but I still can't think clearly!"

I feel like my heart my fall out of my chest and wrap my arms around myself. Sobs keep escaping me as I imagine Jonathan stabbing himself over and over; seeing my father torturing Ithuriel. I feel like I'm tethered to a sinking ship.

Jace's arms wrap around me, and the comfort makes the sobbing stop, but I continue to cry. His lips press against my forehead and I feel moisture from his own tears land there.

"He was my brother, too," Jace says. "But I know you've already thought this over, because I have, and there wasn't a way we could've stopped him… that blade…" he trails off.

"I know," I say with a shaky voice. "I know." The blade was covered in demonic runes, and one way or another, there's no way we could've touched it or him.

"I'm sorry, Clary."

Minutes pass and my tears stop. "Thank you," I say to Jace, looking up at him.

He answers by leaning his head down and pressing his lips to mine. Our kiss is soft at first, but my fingers find the short, soft hair at the nape of his neck and slide up to tangle themselves in longer pieces. His arms tighten around my waist, my body pressing against his.

I almost curse when the front door handle starts to turn. We break apart and look to it, expecting to find Alec and Isabelle walking through but instead, it's two guards.

Anger courses through me, and I can see the tension in Jace's shoulders, too.

"What the hell-" Jace starts to say, but one of the guards cuts him off.

"Jace Herondale, Clarissa Morgenstern, you need to come with us."

"Why?' I ask.

"If you don't come on your own, we've been given orders to use force."

"By whom?" Jace asks.

"The Inquisitor."

"Like hell I'm going 'on my own' without knowing why," I say. I don't care that I'm probably making this harder on myself. _Aldertree._ He's doing this.

Alec and Isabelle aren't back yet, and I know something must've happened while they were with our parents. Something must've dropped.

When they don't answer, Jace asks, "where does the Inquisitor want us?"

"We're not required to answer your questions," one guard says. "Let's go, kids."

I squeeze Jace's hand then let go to walk past the guards, towards my front door. But a guard grabs arm and pulls me back.

Jace shouts and I turn to throw a punch, but I don't realize what's happening until it's too late. They're trying to bind our wrists with runes, and I just gave him access to my other wrist.

Jace and I are forced to lead the way to the Gard, hands behind our backs, just two hours after we were finally making the opposite journey home.

I keep my eyes on the ground, despite that the sun has already set, people still seem to be out and about, as if preparing themselves for the start of the trial tomorrow. Instead, I let myself worry about Iz and Alec, wondering if they've also found themselves with binding runes on their wrists.

The only time I take my eyes off the ground is to look over at Jace. Each time I can see the wheels turn in his head, trying to figure out what's going on. He either is looking at me, or straight ahead. I want to say something, to fight against the runes, _something_. But I know I can't, it might just make the situation worse.

When we reach the Gard, we're led down the same path that would take us to my parent's "room".

Just as we near it, I see the door opening past the two thick guards stationed on either side. Alec and Iz walk out, their eyes widen at the sight of us and Iz looks like she might burst into tears any moment.

"What is this?" Alec asks.

"We're following orders," a guard behind me replies.

"By the Angel," I see Iz mutter under her breath.

"Jace and Clarissa - never thought you'd end up here?" I turn at the sound of Aldertree's voice.

No one responds. "Thanks to Alexander and Isabelle, here, we know your secret." he nods to the guards. "You can put them in there with the others, they can't cause more trouble than they already have."

The guards shove Jace and I towards the door.

"What are you talking about Aldertree?" I spit. "What secret?"

"You're special," he replies as Jace and I continue to struggle. I can't help cringing at the sing-song quality his voice takes on. Mocking us.

 _He knows Jace and I have angel blood… more than normal,_ I think. _Iz and Alec must've mentioned it and not realized they'd be listening_.

Once we're inside, I feel my stele being ripped out of my pocket, and I turn just as the door slams in my face, all the locks clicking into place. Once the door's look clicks shut, the binding runes on our wrists disappear. Jace slams his fist into the door, cursing. I do the same thing, having no idea what's happening with Alec and Iz, thanks to the heavy door.

It's not until I hear someone clear their throat I remember _exactly_ where I am.

For a split second, I know, I understand, why Jonathan did what he did. The people standing behind me are the reason we're all in this mess. For a split second, I can't find a way out, either.

 _But there has to be a way out_ , I think. I don't want the path Jonathan chose, I want my own.

I also know what will happen if I stay and listen to what my dad might say. Yelling, crying, possible screaming. I can't do it.

"Clary," my mother says, I can hear the tears in her voice, because losing Jonathan is new to her. My father says nothing.

I hold a hand up, head still turned to the closed door, my eyes to the floor. "I'd rather not talk right now."

"Clarissa-"

"Please," I say, spinning and cutting my dad off. I can't look him in the eye, the same eyes that tortured Ithuriel. "Please. Don't. I don't want to talk about any of it. Not with you."

I walk through them, through the door behind them into the tiny bathroom, and shut the door behind me. The door has no lock, but I hope they won't try to come after me. I hear voices murmuring and footsteps coming towards the door.

The handle turns and the door opens as Jace lets himself in. He sits on the floor next to me.

"Jocelyn's really upset."

I sigh. "I know."

"She asked me to come talk to you… I guess they don't know yet." He's talking about us not being just close friends anymore.

I smirk a little. "Oh, I doubt it. My mother is too intuitive for anyone's own good."

He smirks back at me.

"How are you not fuming right now?" I ask him, my brows furrowing together.

"Oh trust me, I'm furious."

"I've never seen you hide it so well."

"I guess you know me too well, then."

I bump my shoulder with his, but when I pull away he follows and we sit with our shoulders flush together. "Yeah, I'd say I know you pretty well," I laugh at a memory from when we were at the Academy. "Remember going to the Academy with the Consul's daughter, Aline?"

Jace nods.

"She had the _biggest_ crush on you!" I roll my eyes. "She came up to me one day after history class and started asking all these questions about you, then proceeded to ask me to introduce the two of you. _Jace Herondale_ ," I say like most of the girls at the Academy said his name, then proceed to pretend to vomit.

" _Jealous_?" Jace asks me.

I scoff. "Obviously not."

"Well I did kiss her."

I swat at his arm. I do feel sort of jealous. "I hear Aline and her girlfriend are very happy, though, so at least you did some good there."

"Oh shut up," Jace says, but he's laughing. "Remember Aline's cousin-"

I interject his sentence with a groan. None of my friends have ever let me live this one down.

"Sebastain Verlac _looooooved_ you." He draws out the "o" of love just to get on my nerves. He starts laughing. "Remember when I caught you two and-"

But I use his own words against him. "Are you," I raise a brow, "jealous?"

"No."

I shrug. "Well maybe you should be, he was a pretty good kisser."

"Really?" Jace feigns interest, his face inching closer to mine, until our lips almost touch.

I purse my lips. " _Really_ ," I whisper.

He closes the small gap and kisses me. His lips mold against mine, his tongue slides against mine. My hands find his head, trying to keep him there as we consume each other. But he breaks off, too soon. We both gasp for breath.

"I don't think you have anything to be jealous about," he says, his forehead resting against mine as his chest continues up and down, and a smirk on his lips all the same. His expression softens as his hand cups my face, his thumb brushing against my probably-swollen lips.

When his hand drops, I swing my legs around so they make a bridge over his and rest my head in the crook of his neck. His arm locks around me.

I close my eyes, enjoying the moment, and only then do I realize how tired I actually am. "Thank you," I say quietly to Jace.

"For what? Being the best kisser?" There's humour in his voice, but it remains soft.

I laugh a little. "Don't ruin it."

"For what then?" He rests his head against mine.

"For staying. You've always stayed." Even when we were kids and the nightmares first started, even when Iz and I weren't on good terms, and now. Jace is there. Always my friend.

He squeezes his arm a little tighter around me, not saying anything.

My eyes stay closed, and I fight against sleep, my breathing getting slower, heavier.

Suddenly something shifts underneath me, pulling me slightly out of sleep I don't remember falling to. I realize it's Jace, as his arms lift me and I hear the creaking of the door. I stay curled up against his chest, not wanting to wake up.

As he starts walking I hear the soft footsteps of my mother walking into the room.

"Oh," I hear my mother. "Jace… I was just about to make sure you two didn't fall asleep on that awful tiled floor."

Jace laughs, but I can hear that it's forced. "Well one of us did." His arms tighten around me then leave as he sets me on the couch.

"Thank you," my mother says.

"You shouldn't need to thank me."

"I know you're angry-"

"I'm more than angry, Jocelyn. How is it that you let Valentine do this? How is it that you forgave him?"

"You're so much like your father, Jace," Mom says, I can hear the smile in her voice. "I can't tell you the story, and now, I'm afraid, it must be told to you both for the first time during the trials. But I can tell you that the person who resented Valentine most, was Stephen. Mostly because he knew you could be the best shadowhunter without the bit of help in your blood."

"Too bad that doesn't make any sense."

"There's a lot you don't know about your family-"

"That's because my parents are dead."

"Check your history books, Jace. You come from an extraordinary family. You should be proud."

No other words are said, and I hear the fading footsteps as she walks away.

Jace sighs, and I feel the end of the sofa sink as he sits down.

"Jace?"

He looks up from his hands. "I thought you were asleep."

"Not really. At least, not after I heard my mom."

He turns his face away from me to stare straight ahead at the wall. I sit sideways on the couch to face him and cross my legs.

"You heard the whole thing?"

"I don't think any of us will ever understand what went on with the Circle," I reply.

"I think you're right."

 **A/N: Phew! I believe this has been the longest chapter yet, I hope you enjoyed!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry 'bout that bit of a cliff hanger on the last chapter, I'll let you jump into it but not before I-**

 **disclaimer! Cassandra Clare obviously owns everything to do with the mortal instruments and I am not trying to steal anything, I just enjoy playing around with the world and characters she's created. thank.**

I wake up to the sound of water running through a facet, curled up on a couch. It takes me a minute to remember where I am, and the crazy of the day before. And then grief hits like a wall of fire. Jonathan killed himself right in front of me, now I'm stuck in the dammed basement of the Gard with my mom, the father that fed me angel blood before I was born, and my boyfriend who also fell victim to my father.

And I'm still wearing the clothes I've been wearing for the past two days.

Fantastic.

I get up, leaving Jace asleep on the other side of the couch. I look around me, trying to decide what to do about my situation first. There's not much to look at. I glance at the clock on the wall. I know the trial is today, but I've no idea what time.

After standing there for a minute, I notice two duffel bags just inside the door. I go over to one and open it up to find a note inside with _Clary_ written on the top. I open up the letter.

 _Clary,_

 _you have no idea how sorry I am. I didn't realize they'd be listening. Your parents know everything, if you haven't figured that out yet. Here's your clothes and stuff. I threw in one of my white dresses, because I noticed you had one but it seemed pretty old. I thought you might want to wear it._

 _Iz_

Leave it to Iz to think of my fashion choices, but I'm glad she did. The mourning outfit I have is from when Jace's parents died, and much too small now.

I pull out the dress. Isabelle definitely picked one from her wardrobe that would best suit me, but it's still definitely not something I'd typically wear.

The dress is loose and fits like a long t-shirt, falling just above my knees. The back, however, is low enough to show my shoulder blades. Not really my thing.

I turn when I hear the bathroom door opens, Maryse comes out and smiles at me. "That's nice," she nods at the dress I'm still holding up.

"Oh…" I look back at the dress. "I wasn't sure if I should-"

"You should," she interrupts. "He was your brother. The rest of us will be wearing white, anyways."

"Okay," I nod, feeling weird. "Okay."

She goes to walk away but stops and comes up to me instead. "You should talk to them; Jocelyn, at least. They want to talk to you."

I sigh. "I don't know how… I don't know if I'll care about what they have to say."

"No parent wants their child to hate them… but I think ignoring them might be worse. You're all they've got now."

Looking at her eyes, they're… sad. I remember what Isabelle told me, about her mother's miscarriage. "To be honest, I don't think they ever really had Jonathan."

"I'm sorry, Clary," Maryse says. "I'm sorry this got put on all you kids. We never meant-"

"Can I ask you something?"

Maryse nods.

"Isabelle… she mentioned something - I forget how long ago now, a week? She said that you…" I lower my voice a bit. "She said you had a miscarriage after…" I trail off, not knowing what to say.

She smiles sadly. "Don't worry yourself, Clary." She gives me a hug. "You shouldn't have to worry about anyone but yourself."

"Thank you."

Maryse pulls away. "Always."

She leaves into the room they all sleep in, and I go to sit on the couch beside a still sleeping Jace. I touch his calf. "Jace."

He groans, half asleep.

"C'mon Jace, we should get ready."

He rolls onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillow. I ignore the part of my head that thinks of his raspy voice, his shirt twisted to reveal his abs, his sexy, messed-up hair. "Maybe tomorrow."

I get down off the couch and sit on the floor, making our heads level. "It's today, unfortunately."

He moves his head from the pillow to look at me, his eyes squinting against the light. "Do we have to?"

I almost smile. "Yeah, we do… Alec and Iz brought us bags with clothes. There should be something white in there." I hold up the dress Iz sent me as proof.

The playfulness in Jace's eyes fade and I wish I hadn't said anything. I press my lips against his cheek quickly before jumping up and going to change in the bathroom.

I come out, expecting to find Jace in the same position I left him in, instead I find my parents, waiting.

"Clary," my dad says, standing.

Never in my life did I think my dad would have the capacity to hurt anyone, but after seeing what Ithuriel showed us, my body instinctively takes a step back. I can see the hurt in his eyes, when I do and I almost feel bad. Almost. Then I wish Jonathan were here to help, tears prick my eyes. I have to blink them back.

"Please sit, Clary. We just want to talk to you," Mom says, standing too.

I nod, swallowing the saliva that has gone thick in my mouth. I try to remember what Maryse said; I'm all they've got left. When I'm sitting in the chair across from the couch, I have to swallow again. "Okay."

I stare at the hand Mom has on Dad's arm, and I can't tell whether she's holding onto him out of her own comfort, or whether she's trying to comfort him.

"We're sorry, Clary. When we told Jonathan we never thought he would take it the way he did… we didn't know-"

"That's because you weren't _around_ to know," I interrupt Mom. "He never even tried to tell us, he constantly avoided the subject. When all this retrial shit started, we screamed at each other… I screamed at him because I had no idea what I was talking about trying defending you. Did he really know everything?"

They nod. "Everything," Dad says.

"Even this weird angel stuff?"

Dad nods.

I fold my arms across my chest, unfold them, put my palms flat on my knees, hoping no one notices my knuckles going white.

"Clary I-"

"No. No I don't want an explanation. I already know what you're going to say."

"I'm sorry for what I did to you," Dad continues. I blink, but it doesn't help, it only let's the tears escape. I can't listen to this.

"Don't."

"I knew it would make you better, I wanted to make you better, but I'm sorry."

" _Stop!"_ I stand, and Dad finally stops talking. "I can't listen to this. You can't make me listen to this. I refuse."

"Why?" Mom asks.

"Because trying to make me forgive you won't work. You both did horrible things, the whole Circle did. I may not know the whole story but what I do know is you must've gone way too far. Jonathan went into that basement and marked a blade with demonic runes. We couldn't stop him. I watch my brother kill himself and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.

"If I _do_ forgive you, I'm not going to live through the trial because we all know there's only one way it will end. I already love you both enough that it'll hurt." Tear flow out of my eyes so that I can't see clearly. "Please don't make me forgive you, too."

My heart pump thunderously in my chest. The hurt of it all makes me feel like my chest might burst open. I can't help the sob that come out when I try to breath. I see a blur of Jace coming towards me, his arms around me, holding me together while I feel like I'm falling apart. After all this it'll just be the four of us, or maybe just Alec and Isabelle. Jace and I will be put away for our own crimes. Crimes we didn't commit.

I wrap my arms around Jace, trying to hold on.

As we walk towards The Clave's meeting room where the trial will begin I know I look like hell. Eyes puffy and red, fingernails chipped, not a bit of makeup on, and my hair clambered up on the top on my head. Jace looks pretty bad, too; bags under his eyes, his mourning clothes not quite fitting right. They let Jace and I walk without binding runes to our wrists. My parents and the Lightwoods wear them as usual.

When we walk in, I spot Isabelle and Alec already to the side of the dais. The Mortal Sword sits horizontally on a gold tripod, waiting. I almost want to bare my teeth and growl at it for all it's done.

Jace and I stop when we're beside Alec and Iz. I reach over without looking and squeeze Isabelle's wrist. Our parents are taken to our left, behind the raised dais. the Clave sits to our right. I decide to stare straight ahead.

Consul Penhallow steps onto the dais. "Today is the retrial of remaining Circle members Maryse Lightwood, Robert Lightwood, Jocelyn Morgenstern, and Valentine Morgenstern. The purpose of this trial is to determine their place in our society… if they have a place." She looks at everyone around the room, then her gaze falls on Aldertree. "Inquisitor, you may begin."

"I believe we should start from the beginning," Aldertree says. "I know you all want to about recent events and… rumours. But we'll get to that. I think that first we should be told all the information from the start. I would like to call Valentine Morgenstern to trial under the Mortal Sword."

Two guards follow behind Dad as he comes up to the dias, stopping in front of the Mortal Sword. The guards are hesitant, but they cross out the binding rune on his wrist and he holds out his hands to take the sword.

I watch as Aldertree asks his questions and Dad replies. I reach over and grip onto Jace's hand as the four of us discover the whole truth for the first time.

Dad started The Circle of Raziel when they were still at the Academy. He was the best at the time, and everyone looked up to him. He never liked the way The Clave ran things, and the rules they had. He wanted to wipe out demons completely, increase the size of the shadowhunter race, get recognition from humans for the work shadowhunters do for them.

So when they graduated the Academy, they went to work. Using illegal portals, letting mundanes see them, and going against The Clave's wishes to have the Academy's best students studying quietly at the London Institute.

 _That's why they weren't arrested earlier_ , I think. _They were the best. They came from the elite families._

And when Dad's father was killed by a werewolf, they started pinning crimes on downworlders.

"Downworlders are the cousins of demons. We agreed that one step out of line from them would be more than enough reason for execution," Dad said.

The story didn't just come from him, it came from Mom, and the Lightwoods, too. The whole story piecing together from different viewpoints.

And then, the next signing of the Accords came around. The agreement of peace between shadowhunters and downworlders. That's where they were going to plan their attack. That was ten years ago. After they were married with children. But before the Circle to got to do what they planned, the Clave took action.

That's why there's only four remaining members. Some members of The Clave fought so hard against their arrest they were killed, or killed themselves before the first trial ever came.

I find out other little pieces, too. Mom's parents killed in a fire after a group of Circle protesters rioted outside the Fairchild family manor. The werewolf that killed Dad's father was also a protester of the Circle.

Maryse publicly admits that she was with child on that night ten years ago. And her and Robert both admit they had planned to back out of the Circle that very night to protect their children. They weren't going to take part in the attack.

And it's all true, because the Mortal Sword pulls it out of them.

Maryse is the last to tell the story. And when she's taken back behind the dais, binding runes back on her wrists. Aldertree isn't finished. We haven't gotten to the part where Jace and I come in.

For a second, it seems like it'll all be left there. Everyone starts shuffling, murmuring, getting ready to ask further questions. Consul Penhallow steps up with Aldertree and holds up a hand, getting everyone's attention.

When all is silent, she lowers her hand. "Recent events have caused us to further this trial. The suicide of Jonathan Morgenstern has opened up new information we did not know existed ten years ago."

"Clarissa Morgenstern," Aldertree says, looking at me. My hands tighten on Jace and Isabelle's but I let nothing show on my face. "As a victim, you are to tell us under the Mortal Sword."

I let go of Jace and Isabelle's hands and walk up onto the dais. My mind spins with memories of being under the sword the first time. But I was just seven, and seven year-olds aren't actually supposed to be under the sword. This time should be different. I mask all my features as I walk up and the Mortal Sword is put in my hands. I focus all my energy on telling the truth, I suspect that will make the weight hurt less.

It doesn't. The weight still bears on my mind enough to make me want to scream and cry, but I stay standing straight, head and eyes forward, no noticeable expression on my face.

"Your brother, Jonathan Morgenstern, disappeared after we announced a re-trial for your parent's crimes. Do you know why?"

I start to shake my head but it's not good enough for the Mortal Sword, it pulls at my brain and forces out the truth. "He told me he knew too much, that I didn't understand what happened that day; when I tried to defend our parents without knowing anything that happened. We fought and he ran away."

"Where did Jonathan go when he left?"

I grind my teeth together because my family manor burned down and everyone in the room knows exactly where Jonathan went. "To the Morgenstern Manor."

"Tell us what happened there."

The pain on my mind grows the most uncomfortable I've ever felt. The same pain when I was a kid, maybe worse. My plan was to remain cold, like nothing being asked effected me, but it fails as Aldertree asks this question. _Too much_ , I want to answer. Too much happened at the manor and now the Mortal Sword is trying to pull it all out of me at once.

I squeeze my eyes shut and they sting with tears; when my eyes open the liquid will fall so I keep them shut. I realize it's not the Mortal Sword pulling on my words, but my grief spilling over.

"When we got there, we found a charm on the house keeping it standing, and when we stepped inside it seemed like Jonathan wasn't there." I try my hardest to keep my voice from shaking, but it doesn't work. "He was in a hidden basement, we found the entrance behind a bookshelf I unlocked with a rune. We found him down there with a blade covered in demonic runes. The ones on the walls in the small room matched. That's what he killed himself with."

I force myself to take a breath because all the information spews out of me and I feel like I can't stop, like I can't breathe. The oxygen burns in my lungs before my vocal chords betray me. I open my eyes but don't dare to pay attention to anyone around me. I keep my voice even and hard but let my eyes water. "He burst into flames right away and the charm over the house didn't keep it from burning down too. When the flames disappeared the angel Ithuriel sat in it's place. He got into our heads and showed us how he got there. My father called him and trapped him-"

My composure cracks. My voice comes out strangled and raw, I want to drop the sword but it stays glued to my hands. From the corner of my eyes, I watch Jace; his hands clenched, his eyes daggers. "He tortured Ithuriel and bled out his veins and fed the blood to Jace and I when we were in our mother's wombs."

Suddenly voices breakout among the room, I can't even tell what people are saying, all I know is the Mortal Sword in my hands.

Consul Penhallow stands and gestures to Aldertree who finally removes the sword from my hands. I collapse to the floor in relief and press my palms against the cold floor.

"I believe we all need a break," Penhallow announces, and the room clears out around us.

Jace is at my side, his hand on my back. "You're okay," he whispers.

I nod, my eyes still on the floor.

"The hell kind of question was that?!" He asks Aldertree. "You knew that was way too much!"

"Jace, don't." I look up to see Alec hovering above us.

"I asked what we needed to know," Aldertree says. "That was all."

Alec scoffs.

I stand, facing Jace and he keeps a hand pressed against the small of my back. I realize my cheeks are wet and reach up to wipe underneath my eyes. "I'm okay," I finally respond to Jace.

"By the Angel," Iz says. "How are we supposed to defend them after this?"

"We don't," I respond. "Jonathan was right. At least about my parents. It doesn't seem like yours had a lot of say…"

"I still can't believe this."

"There's just no way any of us would have expected something like this," Alec whispers, conscious of the fact our parents stand less than ten feet away. "It might take too long to believe."

I tune out the conversation to watch my father from the corner of my eye. I watch his eyes. He doesn't look sorry, he looks more angry than anything, possibly sad. I try to find something I could say to him, but everything I think of ends up being too cruel. Something that I could never say to him. Despite all the hate in my veins, he's still my father.

I think back to my fight with Jonathan, the one that spun my life into chaos. The one that ended in his death. We fought about whether we should still love our parents.

Jonathan and I, despite being siblings, were always two very different people. Jonathan was the kind to be angry, the kind to hold grudges, but also the one to protect the people he loves with everything he has. I like to think he hated loving our parents after what they did.

I accept that I still love them after everything they did. They raised us with more love than a child could hope for. They were always patient and kind, and made Jonathan and I apologize to each other every time we fought…

As much as I want to say something I could regret to my parents, we're all still feeling the loss of Jonathan. I still watch the Morgenstern Manor burning down in front of me.

Eyes continue to watch me. The eyes of my friends, my family. The fire inside me is more dull than ever, and I know they can tell, even if I were trying to hide it.

I keep my side pressed against Jace when Consul Penhallow tells us were getting started again. The four of us line up along the dais as we did before, our parents remain to the right. And The Clave pours into the room again.

Jace is up next for the Mortal Sword and I try to silently break it to him that I won't be able to watch him break as long as he watched me. I won't. I can't.

As Consul Penhallow speaks, I don't listen, but I can tell she's about to call up Jace. He puts his arm around me and kisses my temple.

"I know you've got a little fight left," he whispers, and then walks up to the Mortal Sword.

 **A/N: Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it don't forget to leave me a little review and add this to your follow list so you know when I update next!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: bit of a slower(ish?) chapter today but it's also shorter so don't hate me too much! Also thank you to everyone following and such, I'm glad you have enjoyed this as much as I have.**

 **Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare own the shadowhunter world and it's people, I just hang out with them!**

Ten years ago, I remember watching my friends being on the sword, oldest to youngest, inflict the least amount of pain first, ask the most amount of questions first. Jonathan was the oldest, me the youngest, but I think it was just as bad for the both of us.

Jace had it the worst, though. Because his parents were killed, he had to go under the Mortal Sword as a fresh orphan, no other family but the non-relatives on trial with him. I remember him yelling, screaming, fighting the Mortal Sword with everything he had. He still had fight left in him after finding out his parents had died.

This time, he mimics me. He doesn't fight it, he lets it happen. But unlike me, he doesn't break down at the mention of Jonathan. I can see the sweat beading on his forehead, and when his jaw clenches, Iz reaches over and squeezes my hand.

It's painful for us, watching each other go through pain.

I take in his re-telling of the events without processing them, only really listening when Aldertree starts asking about the angel blood.

"Did you ever know about what Valentine Morgenstern did to you and your mother?"

"No. I had no idea."

"But you knew you were different?"

"I didn't realize. I just thought I was better."

Murmurs scatter around the audience. I almost roll my eyes.

Aldertree turns his head to look at Penhallow, who nods. Then he removes the Mortal Sword from Jace's hands. Jace sways for a second with the weight gone, and steps down beside me, weaving his fingers tightly through mine.

"I believe that's all for today," Penhallow says, her voice sounds defeated, and I realize that she really has been on our side; she knows there's nothing that will help us.

"Don't we have to decide what to do with the kids?" Eric Ravenkey calls.

"Pardon?" Aldertree says.

"They're walking crimes," Eric retorts.

"They're walking _victims_ ," Karen Dovewell says.

Consul Penhallow holds up a hand when everyone starts talking over each other. The talking is silenced immediately. "Clarissa Morgenstern and Jace Herondale have _not committed any crimes_. They have nothing to be blamed for, as they are victims of the crimes committed by _someone else_."

Suddenly no one can find an argument for Penhallow. I watch some people with puzzled faces, trying to think of _something_ , but apparently nothing comes to mind.

"We will resume tomorrow with your questions."

We wait until everyone is gone from the room before leaving ourselves. Jace and I aren't told to go back to the prison cell of my parents, so we follow Alec and Isabelle back to the house. When we get back to the house we all sit on the couches with nothing to say. But I don't want to leave any of them, even to go to bed. Despite how tired I am, all my friends seem to be hanging by a thread; one that could slip away at any moment.

When everything fell apart ten years ago, we went through it and hardly spoke about it ever again. It became a detached part of me, a part that only came to the surface of my life in my dreams when I didn't have control. That's where Jace came into play; while all of us were affected, Jace and I were less able to let go and pushed it all down instead.

Suddenly we're back to before with so much more understanding of the situation but nothing to do about it.

I wish for the millionth time I had my brother. I don't think anyone takes any notice of me getting up and leaving until the front door shuts behind me.

I go to my parents. Suddenly regretting not speaking to them when Jace and I were holed up with them last night. The guards posted outside watch me as I go through all the security measures without a single complaint but also don't deny me seeing my parents this late at night. The only thing I get from them is, "20 minutes, that's it," before they open the door for me.

Both my parents look up from their conversation when I walk in. Tears immediately brew in my eyes.

"Oh Clary," my mother says, tears falling from her own eyes as she comes over and embraces me. I immediately start sobbing into her shirt.

I forget everything when I feel my father embrace the both of us, and we mourn over our lost family member.

After I use up my 20 minutes with my parents - hardly any talking happened, mostly thinking about Jonathan together, like a family should - I find Jace waiting outside the Gard. He doesn't say anything right away, just takes my hand to walk back to the house.

"How are you?" he asks when our front door is in sight.

"I'm not sure…"

"I'm glad you went to see them."

"Why?"

"Because they're your parents, and I think you would've regretted not seeing them."

"But you hate my dad."

He laughs a little. "I hate what he did, but I don't hate him. Your parents, Alec's parents, they were like my back-up sets when my parents died. I missed my own parents more than I loved them, but I love them all the same. More than that, I hate what might happen to them."

"Do you still miss Stephen and Celine?"

"Every single day."

"I do too, they were incredibly kind people, Jace. I think they'd be proud of you."

He laughs again, a little lighter this time. "You sure about that?"

"Yes!"

"I don't know, I think we all did some less-impressive shit when we went to the Academy. It's not like we know for sure that they would know anything about my life anyways."

"Don't let The Clave hear you say that."

"Do you think if Ithuriel knew, he would have told us?"

"Jace…" I don't know what to tell him. He's always been questioning, but I've never been in the position to answer him, usually it was Alec. I think about the lengths my father went through to get answers, I think about how devastated I would be if Jace even considered something like that. "I really don't know."

He sighs. "We'll just have to keep waiting, then."

I don't let my relief show when he doesn't take the conversation any further.

When we get to the house, Jace and I head up the stairs. "Iz and Alec already went to bed when I left to make sure you were okay."

"How'd you know where I'd be?"

He shrugs. "We just guessed."

"I think you give me too much credit."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because my brother ran away and killed himself! I wouldn't be surprised if my parents were thinking the very same thing, he had to get it from somewhere! Who says that if you don't see me for an hour, I could be dead in Lake Lynn?!" I shout at him. Anger and sadness boils through me but I feel like I can't express it to Jace; he's already lost his family, he's the last of the Herondales. He _knows_.

"Clary… I-"

But he doesn't know. He was a kid, he didn't have to watch them die, he didn't have to watch them lose hope about living. "Jace!" I interrupt. "I had to watch my brother _burn_ , I had to watch my home _burn_. I feel like-" my throat feels thick. "I feel like I'm trying to breath in water, like I'm trying to see through mud!" Tears flow freely for the up-teenth time. "I just can't, Jace."

His arms close in around me but I don't really feel them. "You're right," he whispers. "I don't understand everything. But I _do_ understand what it's like to lose someone."

"I don't know what will happen to them, I don't know what I'll do. I'm lost."

"I'll follow you."

I hear footsteps coming down the stairs from behind the door but don't look over as it creaks open.

I feel Alec's arms around me too and I turn towards him. If anyone could remind me of Jonathan, it's Alec. They were both always serious as kids, and where Jace was my friend, Alec was my second big brother.

"We'll be okay," Iz says, her hand squeezing my shoulder.

We all fall asleep together on blankets laid out on the living room floor that night.

I wake up to the sound of the front door softly closing as someone steps out. I peel my eyelids up to find Jace already awake and Isabelle sleeping like the dead. No Alec. The windows outside show a clear sky, sun high up in them, already weaning towards the west. We all slept most of the day. Not surprising, considering how late we all stayed up on the living room floor last night.

Jace doesn't see me awake as he gets up to follow Alec and shuts the door behind him.

I pull out my stele and draw a run on my arm to hear them better.

"What are we gonna do?" Alec asks Jace. "I need ideas cause I have no fucking clue."

"I couldn't tell you, honestly."

"Today's gonna be a shit show."

"You think?"

"I know."

"I've got your back, you know. _Parabatai_ and all that. Just cause Clary and I are an _us_ now, I mean, you're my brother. I love you."

"I love you, too, man." I listen as Alec gives Jace a slap on the shoulder.

They both sigh at the same time.

"It's hard - thinking about what it'll be like once they're gone-" Alec starts and I cross out the rune so I can't hear the conversation anymore.

The death penalty continues to invade my brain. None of us can escape it, but I block it out. _Not until it really happens, not until we're sure_ , I tell myself.

Isabelle stirs and sits up, yawning. "Where'd they go?"

I jerk my head towards the front door. "Morning air, I guess," I tell her, leaving out that I was listening.

Iz glaces at the fading rune I crossed out on my arm but doesn't mention it.

"How're you feeling?" she asks carefully.

I shrug. Going over the deep end last night wasn't my ideal situation, but I guess it had to happen sometime. "As good as I'll get…"

She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "I guess we'll have to endure more of it today." Her smile disappears.

"I know. Can't wait, right?" I say in a monotone voice.

"I wish it was over already."

I try to think of something positive to say and find it impossible.

"This is so depressing," Iz adds. "All anyone can do is mope around until something legitimate happens… and when something _does_ happen all we'll do is mope around more."

"No wonder Jonathan killed himself-" I cut myself off.

I meant it, but I didn't mean to say it outloud so… honestly. I have to stop looking at Iz because the shock on her face pierces me and I can't believe I said what I said.

"Clary," she says softly, while I continue to look down. "You can't - you're not thinking about… doing that. It doesn't solve anything."

I look up. "No! No, I didn't mean that… I promise."

We get up and sit at the table in the kitchen. Isabelle mulls over the fruit bowl in the centre, trying to find something appealing. She pulls out a mango and starts to hand it to me.

"Is it the last one?" I ask.

She shrugs. "Looks like it… yeah, sorry. Jace probably called dibs already."

I laugh a little, then regret it. Isabelle settles for a banana and a grab one too.

A comfortable silence fills the room, with Jace and Alec out. I keep my brain silent, too, and sigh at the bliss of it. "We could get our own house," I say to Iz.

She scoffs.

"No really, think of how quiet it would be with no boys around!"

She points at me and raises her manicured eyebrows. "Good point."

The front door burst open and slams against the wall behind it as Jace and Alec come running back into the house.

Iz rolls her eyes. "I can _definitely_ see the appeal-" she says with humour in her tone, but then stops short.

Jace and Alec come running into the kitchen, panic etched across their faces.

The towers have turned red.

We sprint downstairs to our weapons room. I've never been in the weapons room twice in such a short amount of time, but red towers means something bigger than anything. It means that someone has taken the wards down.

But then Alec grabs our shoulders. "You two aren't going anywhere."

I scoff. "Like hell we aren't going anywhere."

"I'm serious."

"Alec, there's no way you're keeping us out of this," Iz tells him.

Jace sighs. "I'm with Alec on this one; you aren't Clave members yet."

I yank my shoulder out of Alec's grip and march downstairs anyways, ignoring both him and Jace. I storm around the weapons room, picking up everything I might need and start to go back up the stairs, but Jace stands in the doorway. A brick wall blocking my path as I strap the Morgenstern blade around me, feeling confident with it's weight at my side.

"We don't have time for this, Jace."

His eyes look down at me with sadness.

"Don't you dare look at me like that," I tell him. "You of all people know how that look feels."

"I just don't want you getting yourself killed, Clary." His eyes stop looking at me with pity, but there's something else there.

I sigh. "Jace, I don't have a death wish, I just don't want my parents in more trouble. Whatever's happening out there, I don't want them being a target."

I turn around. "Alec, you know Iz and I are both perfectly capable of handling ourselves. We don't have this kind of time to be arguing right now. We need to get out there; find out what's going on."

A second ticks by while he ponders and then locks eyes with Jace; they have a silent conversation and then Alec nods. "Let's go."

 **A/N: muahaha you thought this chapter would be simple! Don't worry, new one soon!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: get ready, y'all! that is all...**

 **disclaimer: cassandra clare owns the shadowhunter universe and it's people**

The second we step outside, the air feels different, despite the sun climbing the sky, the mood feels dark. The wards are down, and that means anything can get into the city of glass. I sigh in relief at the clear sky. Demons can't be in direct daylight, so we won't have a problem with that.

But why would someone bother taking down the wards when they couldn't bring demons in?

I look up at the sky and remember how late the four of us slept. The sun is already towards the west and people are already panicking.

I start stalking down the streets, watching with horror as parents rush their children out of their homes. The kids don't know they'll be dropped off somewhere safe and have their parents ripped away from them. Maybe forever.

I remember the screaming I did that night, yelling after my parents, watching them getting dragged away. Jonathan held me back even though he had no idea what was going on, either. That's really all I remember about that night, the rest is all a blur. I can't help but feel sorry for these kids, the fact that they may never see their parents again. But that's what shadowhunters are supposed to be used to; dying in battle and protecting human-kind from the shadow world is the most respected way to die.

Maybe that's why I don't want to see my parents go. They wouldn't die as heroes, but criminals. They _are_ criminals, but they're my parents. They made my life hell, maybe without them it would get better.

I still go straight for the Gard with Iz, Jace, and Alec right behind me.

Chaos fills the halls at the Gard. Everyone trying to figure out how the wards got down and how to get them back up before clouds cover the sun, before night falls. We squeeze through the people towards the cell they're holding our parents in. But when we get there, the door is wide open, the place a mess, and no one inside.

By the chaos around the Gard, I realize they didn't get moved… they broke out and they must be why the wards are down. The four of us look back at each other, each coming to the same conclusion.

"By the Angel," Alec whispers. "What are we going to do?"

"Fight," I whisper.

"Even if it's against them?" Jace asks,

"Yes."

Iz is quiet, and I know what she's thinking, but I know I can't persuade her. She just has to come to it on her own.

"Hey!" we hear from down the hall. It's Penhallow and a number of other Clave members; Karen Dovewell, Andrew Foxalder, and others.

Alec steps forward. "Consul Penhallow, we had no idea-"

"I know," she cuts him off. "It doesn't matter right now. If you're with _us_ we need you out there."

"They're not all Clave members," says Andrew. "They should be-"

"They've got amazing skill," Penhallow says. "Clary and Isabelle, you want to help, you've got my permission."

If the situation were different I might've turned a mocked Jace and Alec for almost making Iz and I stay home.

"If you need anything, you're welcome to help yourselves upstairs," Karen tells us.

"No," Jace answers. "We're good."

"Alright, get out there."

When we make it back outside, we run forward towards the border, where the demons will attack first. Jace stops me suddenly, pulling me against him, our lips press together. "Be careful. Please be careful."

"Back at you," I reply quietly, resting my forehead against his. I kiss him again and we break apart, turning towards the border and sprint in full to catch up to Isabelle and Alec. When we get closer, more shadowhunters turn up around us, a herd ready to defend themselves. When everyone starts to slow down Alec and Jace start putting runes on each other filled with _parabatai_ strength.

We turn back towards the sea of shadowhunters. Each of us stand in neat lines, protecting our home. As the sun slowly descends behind us and a shadow begins to cast on Idris. Slowly on the hill that Alicante rests on the shadowhunters among me watch night fall over the meadows beyond Broclind Forest and towards the city. It's a long process, but Jace's grip on my hand never wavers. I glance at the shadowhunters around me, their faces never fall, their eyes only move to blink. I turn my eyes back to the slow night fall just as it extends beyond Broclind Forest. A few sharp intakes of breath ring out around us as a cloud of demons step out from the forest, pursuing night as it falls around the country towards our city.

As they advance closer, faster, I feel the mood around me shift. The front of our defense moves to fighting stances, ready for the demons to meet them.

The demons break through the non-existent wards into city and chaos erupts at the front of our defense. Shouts and screams and the awful sound of demons sinking their teeth into skin. But what I hear the most is seraph blades sinking into demon skin.

Jace squeeze my hand once before letting go. The demons are getting closer to our line now. With my eyes forward, I feel his body press into my side. I keep my eyes ahead, waiting.

"If we get separated…" Jace says. "Just promise me…"

"Jace, please."

"No, I just… I don't know. Don't leave me."

"I won't. I promise as much as a promise can go."

"Not very far, huh?"

"We can't control everything."

"I know…" his lips press up against my temple. The demons draw closer, the shadowhunters in front of us surge forward. "I love you."

He releases my hand. And as shocked my heart is, I have to hold my blade tightly in my hand and fight for not just myself but everyone else in Alicante. I think of who could've brought this on the city, only one name comes to my mind.

Valentine Morgenstern.

Anger spreads through me, and I start hacking with my seraph blade, throwing the daggers when I can. But they keep driving us backwards, towards the bulk of the city, where shadowhunters live and serve.

I watch as Jace and I grow farther apart. I fight off demon after demon, as they hiss and spit and burn and puncture my skin. I never lose my grip on my blade and stay as focused as possible. It's not until my back hits a wall and Jace and the others are completely out of sight that I realize what's going on.

" _Clary,"_ one hisses. " _Clarissa Morgenstern._ "

It startles me and I earn a wicked burn from their spit on my neck.

" _Don't kill her,"_ another says.

It startles me again and one wraps it's claws around me, burying them deep into my skin. I struggle, trying to gain control of my arm back, my seraph blade slips from my hand. Reaching into my back pocket I grab a dagger, but I have no chance to throw it because the demon sinks its claws deeper into my arm and throws me against the wall in an alley nearby.

I scream. The pain of it's claws leaving my arm is even greater than it puncturing me in the first place. I scream as gravity takes over, begging for someone to hear, so I'm not left to die. I scream until my dead hits the brick wall and the pain makes my body go limp to the ground.

"Oh, Clarissa," I hear a familiar voice through the thick darkness. A hand is clutched in mine, a rough thumb rubbing against my knuckles. "They weren't supposed to-"

A pounding breaks through against my skulls and I gasp, my eyes breaking through the mud.

"Clarissa!" My father sighs in relief and grips my hand tighter.

"Dad?"

"I'm so glad you're okay!"

I sit up and take in my surroundings. I'm exactly where I passed out, just farther down the alley. I have no idea how to react to my father being here. Not knowing, I pull my stele from my pocket and draw an _iratze_ on my shoulder of the arm with multiple puncture wounds. Immediately, all the pain retreats.

My father releases his grip on my hand as I do so, watching me oddly.

"You're okay, yes?"

I just nod. My eyebrows furrow when I look at him.

"Clarissa-"

"Where's Mom?"

"She's-"

"How did you break out? Why did you do this?" There's panic and longing in my voice, and I want so badly for him to answer that he had nothing to do with anything.

He doesn't answer my questions, instead he pulls something out of his pocket and tucks it inside my palm. A ring.

"I know I can't bring you," he mutters under his breath, as though I'm not supposed to hear. "Clarissa," he puts his hands against my face, I fight the urge to cringe away. "I know- I know I haven't been the best father. I couldn't tell you before, but what I'm doing is only going to help you, it's only going to help shadowhunters."

Now, I push his hands away. All my longing for my father to be the good guy fades. Angry tears fall down my face. "How does _this,_ " I point to the chaos outside the alley, "help anyone?"

"No one truly realizes what these monsters can do, Clary. If we can control them, if we can control their _blood_ , we can stop all of this. Demons _and_ Downworlders. We're the superiors, not the equals."

"Don't even talk to me about _blood_ ," I spit at him. " _You're_ the one who experimented with all of us. Me, Jace, we're _screwed_ because of you. Were you even at the trial? They want to kill us because you tried to make us superior. You can go to hell."

I push my sore body off the ground, my head throbbing with the movement. I turn to leave the alley. The ring still sitting in my palm burns. I know it's a Morgenstern ring.

 _I'm not betraying my family. I'm doing what is right._

"Clarissa!" My father yells after me. "Please."

I turn to face him, furious. " _You_ did this! _You_ ruined this family!"

"You'll ruin everything if you walk away, Clarissa," he says sternly.

"Fuck you," I spit at him before whirling around and smacking right into a greater demon blocking my exit.

"You'll want to come with me," my father says calmly from behind me.

He takes the ring in my hand and shoves it onto my finger, then twists his own. A white light blinds me, then disappears altogether. In front of me is a large glass window, looking out over the city. Behind me is the demon that stopped me from leaving the alley, and Consul Penhallow's desk.

On top of her desk sits the Mortal Cup.

"Where is everyone?" I ask, pretending not to be phased by the fact that the Mortal Cup is there, or that my own father holds me hostage. "Where's the Clave?"

He laughs and points to the window, gesturing to the chaos outside. "No one could stay."

"What do you want, anyways?"

This time, he gestures to the cup. "I ran into something I wasn't expecting… my blood doesn't work in the cup. I need yours. You have more angel blood than the rest of us. There was Jace, too, but I just thought…"

" _What?_ That I'd _want_ to be here? To help you do this?"

My father looks at me sadly. I remember how much I'd once loved him, but something wicked has replaced my dad. I tried to still love him after I discovered what he did to Jace and I, I knew I couldn't forgive him for it, but I had hope in my family. But the small sliver of hope I thought I had is gone now.

"Clary, please. I don't want to have to do this another way."

I freeze. "I don't understand."

"There are other ways of doing this."

"I thought you wanted me to stick with Jace cause we were safer that way-"

"You are."

"Because you wanted us safer… what, did you guess he'd pull me away from my dying brother? I would've died too, if Jace hadn't stopped me. Or did you plan, that too? The death of your own son?"

"I never meant for Jonathan to get hurt. He was supposed to be here for this, you were both supposed to be here. And Jocelyn."

"He didn't 'get hurt,' Jonathan _died_. Where is mom?"

My father flicks his wrist and I catch the blade by the handle.

"I need your blood in the cup, Clarissa," he says, not answering my question.

Tears well up in my eyes, making my father look blurry. "Where is she?"

His jaw clenches along with his fist. While one hand holds the dagger meant to cut my hand, I slowly inch my hand to my stele.

" _Where is she?!"_

He stalks closer to me, his face right in front of mine, then grabs my shoulder roughly and pushes me to the desk until my hip hits against it. The cup sits in front of me, unaware.

I take advantage of my father's closeness and press my stele against the side of the desk.

"Jocelyn didn't want to be here."

I almost breathe a sigh of a relief, but think better of it. Instead I concentrate on drawing the rune.

"The Lightwoods didn't either. So I took care of the problem."

Somehow, it was the perfect moment to finish drawing the rune, a small flame started on the desk, then it roared up high. A signal.

My father grabs the hand I used to draw the rune, so hard my stele falls to the floor. He controls both my hands for a moment, while I feel nothing. He's about to make me cut my own palm. My body wants to shut down. My brother is gone, my father more than gone, now my mother.

Footsteps, banging footsteps, up the stairs of the building. Shouting, banging on the door.

My father releases me and shouts at the greater demon he's somehow gotten to help him. I don't hear what he says.

As people burst through the door my father freezes to look at them, but I don't turn and instead take advantage of him being distracted. I plunge the dagger he gave me into his heart. I hold it there as he meets my eyes. I hold it there as his grip on me goes limp and I watch the life in his eyes flicker away. Not just the life but the surprise of my betrayal. As his body goes limp, it falls backwards, but I can't get my hand to release the dagger until the other people in the room pull me off of him. They pull me out of the room, the greater demon somehow gone.

More shouting. The wards are back up. I remember relief flowing through everyone as the city becomes free of demons again.

I feel no relief. I am the last of the Morgensterns because I killed my own father.

There are no more Morgensterns because my own father killed me first.

 **A/N: hope you enjoyed, send me a review to let me know what you thought and follow the story to know when I update next! Thanks!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Welcome to Chapter 11! It seemed like y'all really enjoyed the last chapter, so here's the next!**

 **Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns the shadowhunter world, obvs.**

They keep me in the Gard to make sure my wounds heal up without problem. Everyone keeps telling me I did a good thing. They give me a hot bath, non-blood-stained clothes. I want to go home but I'm not sure if I have one anymore. I'm not to leave yet, even though I'm told I did a good thing. Even though they tell me everything, no one tells me why I can't leave yet, why I can't see anyone.

Jace, Alec, Izzy, Maryse, and Robert all survived. Not my mother; one person I thought I might still have.

Hours later, after I should've been sleeping, but couldn't bring myself to, Consul Penhallow walks into the room I'm being kept in.

That's what I am, a prisoner.

"Clary."

I turn to look at her.

"I can let you go, now. Everyone's been waiting downstairs in the front hall for you."

I don't say anything, I just stand from my perch on the window sill.

"I had to call together a few high powers to discuss you, I understand you've been asking about that; the question on whether you should be tried or not. But many agreed you saved as all, so you're off the hook."

"For killing my father," I finish a sentence that had already been finished.

"I'm sorry, Clary... that you've been through all this. If you'd like to be excused from Robert and Maryse Lightwood's final trials, I will allow that. You and Isabelle Lightwood, for your efforts and skill, are now members of the Clave."

I nod again. "Can I go home?"

She nods at me, pity in her eyes. I hate it. "Yes. Thank you, Clarissa Morgenstern. The Clave owes you a large debt."

I brush past her, with no spite. The woman is obviously doing her best, but it's not good enough. Not now.

I walk slowly through the halls of the Gard. The hallways are busy with shadowhunters running around, discussing things I don't really care enough about. I spot some warlocks, no doubt there to heal the wounded. I walk down the stairs slowly, people rush past me. I walk down the corridor towards the front hall of the Gard. When I get there I stop.

Maryse and Robert stand on either side of Alec and Izzy. Alec has his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands. Izzy sits cross legged on the chair beside him, her knee bobbing up and down as she picks at dirty nails. Jace paces back and forth in front of them.

I don't think I've ever been more happy to see a group of people in my life.

"Come on, Jace," Maryse is saying when I walk in. "Please sit." She eyes the empty chair beside Alec.

"You haven't even slept-" Robert cuts off when he sees me. Everyone else looks up as well to see why he's stopped.

I've no idea what I look like, but concern is etched over everyone's faces.

Jace stops pacing when he sees me and immediately starts towards me. I wrap my arms around his torso and burying my face against his chest. He holds me tight as I cry.

"Please don't leave me," I sob. "Please, please don't leave, Jace."

"I won't. I promise."

"They're all gone, they're all gone. He killed my mom." I can feel myself shaking.

"It's okay, Clary. It's okay."

"Don't leave, please. I-"

"I know, I promise. I won't leave." I can feel his breath on my shoulder, his voice soft against my ear. He presses his lips against my temple.

I turn my face from his chest to look at him as he leans over me. "I killed him, Jace."

He gives me a sad smile. "I know."

I feel Izzy's slim arm wrap around my back and then Alec's on the other side of me. I can't stop crying. "I'm sorry."

"It'll be okay, Clary," Iz says.

After a minute, I take a deep breath, willing the tears away.

"Let's go home," Alec says, rubbing my back.

I almost forgot Maryse and Robert were still there, silently in the background.

"We'll meet you outside Clary," Iz says.

"Uh, okay," I reply, squeezing Jace's hand before he walks away.

"How'd you get away?" I ask them before they say anything.

Maryse immediately pulls me into a hug. "We're so sorry Clary. You have no idea." Her voice shakes and when she pulls away her eyes threaten tears.

"We never meant for it to end like this," Robert confirms. "You kids were never supposed to get involved. You have to understand, we all loved each other; the members of the Circle. And your father-" the mention of him makes me shiver "- we never knew he would end up like this. He and your mother truly loved each other."

"But we realized Valentine loved the Circle too much, too late. Clary I'm so sorry you've been put through all of this."

I'm not sure what to say. "Thank you," I respond, and their faces make me think I didn't choose the right response. 'I forgive you' or 'it's okay' didn't feel right. "One thing, though… you got away... but my mom…"

"Jocelyn knew Valentine had gone too far long ago. She tried to stop him-"

"And you let her?" I ask.

"We tried to stop her. Told her to give up being a shadowhunter, run away. She wouldn't leave you, Clary."

Tears slip through my eyes again. I love Maryse and Robert, just not now. "Now she has. Where were you both earlier? When she was killed? When I had to kill him?"

The front door to the Gard opens, and Isabelle steps back inside. "Let's go now, Clary." She pulls me away from her parents and I wipe the tears from my eyes.

She clutches me next to her. "Thank you," I tell her.

"Always," she replies. "I think everyone just needs rest right now. It's difficult to talk when you're tired."

The walk back to the house feels different. People stare, sure. We all walk in a tight group, none of us speaking, maybe out of habit. The look in their eyes is much different. It holds less hate, but I still don't like it. This deep into the city doesn't have much damage, our house still sits in tact.

I don't question Jace when he pulls me into his room. He goes into his drawers and hands me one of his shirts to sleep in. He kisses me lightly before I turn to the bathroom. When I come out he's already in bed and I climb in beside him. He pulls me tight against him and presses his lips to mine. My top lip finds it's way between his lips and they mold together in synchronization. Jace's hands hitch underneath my shirt and rest on my hips. My hands pull lightly at his hair. When he pulls his mouth from mine I kiss his jaw once and pull away.

My hands move from his hair to his jaw, my thumbs trace his jawline and up to his cheekbones, then his eyelids as he closes them, down the bridge of his nose, and then his lips. I peck them softly again. "I love you."

He smiles and opens his eyes. "I love you, too."

"You'll stay?" I ask again.

He kisses my lips, trails them up my cheek to my ear, his hands trail up my torso. "I wouldn't dream of leaving," he whispers. "Never."

One hand leaves my side as Jace tucks his arm under his head, but the other stays underneath my borrowed shirt, his thumb traces circles on my waist.

I can't help but wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his neck. I take deep breath. "Thank you," the words come out muffled. "Thank you for being there."

"I'm always here."

I'm started awake when my father says, "I didn't do it, Clary. I love you," after I've dug the dagger deep into his chest. I must not have made anyone noise while in the nightmare, because Jace is still asleep, facing away from me.

Suddenly the room feels very dark with him still asleep and the curtains shutting out the dark sky. I curl against the smooth curve of Jace's back for comfort as everything floods into my awake mind. _I killed my father who killed my mother, his wife. My brother killed himself._

I cringe into Jace's warm body even more and pull the covers tight around me, feeling cold.

He stirs, his breathing becoming faster, but I stay curled against his back, trying to will the dream away. Usually they don't last in my memory long, but this one haunts me. I can't tell if it was trying to make me feel better or worse.

 _Definitely worse_ , I think.

I press up harder against Jace, forgetting that he's stirring awake.

"Clary?" he whispers, sleep turning his voice rough.

When I don't reply, he turns over to face me, wrapping his arms around me.

"Sorry I woke you," I say.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I turn the question around in my head, there are so many things I want to ask: _Did I do the right thing? Did I betray my father? Am I still a Morgenstern? Could I have saved my mother? What would Jonathan say?_

But I want a truthful answer, and I'm not sure that comforting Jace and truthful Jace will give me the same answer.

I shake my head. "No," I answer. "Not really."

"Alright, let me know if you do… are you going to go to Maryse and Robert's trial tomorrow?" He asks, trying to make conversation because I won't be sleeping anymore.

I pull away from his arms and stare at the ceiling, I can feel his eyes burning into my temple. "It's okay, you can go back to sleep."

I hear him shift beside me until I feel his breath against my neck but don't look over. "No, I'm actually interested."

I sigh. "I should, I guess. People are probably expected me too… and Consul Penhallow told me because of our efforts, Iz and I are both members of the Clave now, so that's a thing."

"You'll probably want to be there to elect a new Inquisitor, too."

I look over at him, not surprised by how close his face is to mine. "What?"

Jace smirks. "Aldertree got a little case of demon pox, died in the battle."

I can't help but smirk back. "Demon pox exists?"

"One-hundred and fifty percent."

"By the Angel…" I think of a dream a had a while ago, Aldertree turning into a giant worm, the last stage of demon pox. "That's disgusting," I finish.

Jace laughs. "Right?"

"Who do you think is up for Inquisitor?" I ask him.

"John Carstairs is a big possibility, he's very respectful, very involved in the Clave, he fights for what he believes in. But it'll probably end up being someone like Matthias Gonzales."

"He used to be the head of the Buenos Aires Institute."

"Yeah, he ran the place very strictly, too. He follows the law extremely closely, and his family was known for fighting to keep spoils of downworlders around. Didn't win that fight, but…"

"Carstairs would be better."

He smirks. "For us, yes. The Clave tends to work in mysterious ways, though."

I roll my eyes, annoyed at how true Jace's statement is. The Clave is corrupt, Consul Penhallow tries her best but she tends to get beat out by the more traditional, older shadowhunters of the Clave. When Alec and Jonathan first started being Clave members two years ago, they used to come home so frustrated all the time. Their opinions didn't matter because they were the youngest ones there. Having their parents locked up for treason didn't help, either. Sighing, I look back up at the ceiling. Jonathan always used to tell me how much he thought the Clave needed someone like me to tell them off, the thought of it makes me cringe now, not just because I lost Jonathan, but because telling off the Clave sounds too much like my father.

"You don't have to go just because people expect you to, Clary."

I sigh. "Consul Penhallow said she would excuse me from the trial if I wanted, 'for my efforts.'" I scoff. "Because the Clave should've intervened, I shouldn't have had to do that," my voice gets caught in my throat and I close my eyes and swallow to get the lump out. I open my eyes when Jace rests his forehead against mine. "They always do that. The Clave let's everyone else do their dirty work and then acts like we're heroes for doing something they should have done. It shouldn't work like that."

Jace lifts his head and presses his lips against my forehead. "Are you wearing white tomorrow?"

"Do you think everyone else will be?"

"Probably. There were quite a few deaths."

"Yeah, I will. For both of them."

"It's okay to miss him, he's your father."

I take a deep breath, it turns out to be shaky. I pull the blankets tighter around me. "We should go back to sleep." I kiss his jaw and turn to lay the other way, facing away from him.

When his breathing gets slow and heavy I get up quietly from the bed and go downstairs to the living room. A lot of family pictures were at the Morgenstern Manor, waiting to be packed up and taken somewhere, either when we got older or when our parents got out. But they all went with the Manor when it burned down.

In the basement of our house, by the weapons room is a room full of trunks and boxes, stuff that was our parent's and had to be moved when they were locked up. I dig into my mom's trunk to find a huge photo album, full of pictures from Jonathan and I as kids. When I pull it out dust flies everywhere and I cough to get it out of my lungs. The dust clears and another photo album catches my eye, one with shiny gold details all over the cover. I pull it out too, leaving fingerprints in the layer of dust on the cover. I lug them back up the stairs and into the living room on the couch.

I leave the family photo album on the low table in front of the couch and pull the gold one into my lap.

Photos of my parents are pasted onto heavy pages. They're dressed in traditional demon-hunting gear, but bear no wedded runes on their forearms. The next pages are similar but have more people in them, posing, showing off weapons. There's one picture of Valentine with another man, in my mom's handing writing, below the picture, says, 'Valentine and his parabatai, Lucian.'

I turn the page to find another photo of people I recognize, Robert and Maryse. They're posed similar to the photo of my parents.

Realization hits me, this is a photo album of The Circle in its early years. This is the same album I saw in my dream with Jonathan flicking through it in the Morgenstern library.

Once I realize this, I flip back to the beginning of the album and take in every detail I can. I memorize the young features of my parent's faces, their eyes fierce and in love. I can tell they're all happy here, that back when these pictures were taken, they meant well for themselves. They meant to make the shadow world a better place, they meant for it to be a good place for their children.

Eventually, I get past the photos I've already looked at, and come along a photo of Stephen and Celine, Jace's parents. They look innocent, and young. Yet fierce. They were the youngest set of our parents. I can't see them ever being okay with my father doing what he did to Jace, putting extra angel blood in his veins.

Not that I thought my father would ever be capable of doing something like that, anyway. People have had a habit of surprising me throughout all of this struggle.

I feel the open photo album being lifted off my chest and sunlight is filtered through my eyelids. The couch dips underneath me as someone sits down on the other side. I open my eyes, squinting through the light of the rising sun coming through the windows. Jace sits on the other side of the couch from me.

"Jace?" My voice is thick with sleep.

He looks up to meet my gaze. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you… where'd you find this?"

I get up from the position I fell asleep in, my neck sore, to sit beside him. "In the basement. It's pictures of Circle members."

Just as I'm finishing the sentence, Jace turns to a page with pictures of his parents and lets out a long sigh. "They look so _young_. I've never seen these pictures before, it's strange."

I rest my head on his shoulder, my head still waking up. "It was buried under another photo album in a box downstairs."

Jace continues to flip through the pages. "I've never even seen some of these people before."

"I had no idea my father had a _parabatai_."

Jace shakes his head. "Neither did I… none of them had a clue here," he says, echoing my thought when I first saw the pictures. "They had no idea what was going to happen."

"I don't think any of them meant for us all to end up _here_."

Jace closes the book and sets in on the table in front of the couch. Then turns towards me and kisses me fiercely.

"By the Angel, not before the sun is fully in the sky yet," Alec scolds.

Jace pulls away to turn and smile at his _parabatai_. Then he turns back to me and his smile turns sly. "Good morning."

I peck him again and then get off the couch to join Alec in the kitchen. Izzy comes down not too long afterwards.

"I can cook breakfast!" Izzy exclaims.

" _No!_ " Jace, Alec, and I all shout at the same time.

Even though we're obviously missing someone, it actually feels normal between all of us. _More_ normal than normal, now that Isabelle and I get along.

I tell Izzy and Alec about the photo album I found last night. "I think you guys should put it in the basement after you look through it," I finish. "I don't know what someone would do if they found it."

"Probably tell us we're all traitors and lock us up forever," Izzy says.

Alec shoots her a look.

"What?! It's true!"

"Be careful about saying stuff like that in public, Iz. A lot is about to change, especially after today, but I doubt that will change anytime soon."

"To be fair, that _is_ what I was getting at, Alec," I defend Iz.

He rolls his eyes. "I know that, I'm just telling her to be careful. We _all_ need to be careful."

"We've always had to be, right?" Jace asks.

 **A/N: don't forget to leave a review and let me know what you thought! Another update soon!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N - buckle up, kids! It's a long one!**

 **Disclaimer: CC owns the shadowhunter universe. duh.**

After eating, we go to change for the long, coming day. Alec and Iz hadn't said much about it at breakfast, but I know they'd be devastated if Maryse and Robert met the same fate as mine or Jace's parents. _I_ would be devastated. We would have nowhere to go from there.

Our mourning clothes don't stand out as we make our way to the trial. Instead, Alicante is a sea of white. A whole wave of people mourning those they lost in battle. I'm positive some are mourning an entire family lost, like I am. The stares are a little different, filled with pity and despair rather than loathe. I'm not sure which I'd prefer, though I'd prefer none at all.

Consul Penhallow stands at the entrance on the Gard, greeting the Clave members coming in for the Lightwood trial. Shaking hands, kissing cheeks, giving condolences for all the lives lost. Her eyes wander, however, not entirely focusing on those she is talking to. When she spots us, waiting our turn to step into the Gard, she stops wandering and instead concentrates on the people waiting to get into the Gard before us.

"Thank the Angel you're early, go up to my office and wait there, there's thing you need to know before we proceed today." She talks in a low voice, so those behind, and those lingering in front of us will not be able to understand the conversation. We all nod, and thank her as if she's giving us condolences as well.

"What do you think this is about?" I ask as we ascend the staircase and are out of earshot to other shadowhunters.

Jace shrugs. "No idea."

"I'd guess they don't want us there during the trial," Iz suggests.

"That's ridiculous! Consul Penhallow said we're part of the Clave now, 'for our efforts' _,_ " I mimic the way the Consul said it to me. "They can't deny us being in there."

"I don't think she'd deny just you and Iz, Clary," Alec says. "The Clave wouldn't want any of the four of us there for obvious reasons. In mundane culture they bring in people that aren't involved in the case to make the decisions. They call it the jury. If none of the people have any connection to the case or it's events then it's unbiased. If you consider the Clave to be the jury… then we couldn't be a part of it."

"Because we're biased," Jace says.

"Exactly."

"That's a load of bullshit."

"Didn't say it wasn't."

We make it to the Consul's office and leave the door open behind us. A few minutes later, Consul Penhallow comes rushing in, shutting the door behind her.

"I think you need to be prepared for a few things before you go in there," she tells us.

"You're letting us be there?"

"Of course, you're all part of the Clave now."

We let her leave it there, not wanting to give away any idea of why we shouldn't be there.

"Okay," Alec says. "So what is it?"

"I think you all need to know how angry everyone is that all this happened. Despite the fact that it was the Clave's decision to keep your parents locked up for so long, they're angry we didn't do something sooner. The point is that everyone is influenced somehow, and now they have to no reason to be influenced, so they're going back on their word. Know that when we choose a new Inquisitor today, the decision has already been made. It's your choice as to whether you want to fight but-"

"You wouldn't recommend going against the majority," I finish for her. I know exactly where this is going and I don't like it.

"No," she replies. Penhallow pauses before continuing. "As for the trial. The Lightwoods are a very old family, most of the Clave feels sympathy, especially after all that's played out."

"They never seemed to have sympathy before," Iz says.

"Like I said, there's less influence," she lowers her voice, "now that Aldertree is no longer Inquisitor."

"So who's the next Inquisitor?" Jace asks.

"Whoever has the most influence," she says, meeting our gazes, but stays on mine. "Clary, be prepared to say a few things about Valentine." Then she exits the room, leaving the door open behind her.

We make our way back downstairs, the entrance of the Gard is still full of people, so we're not late.

John Carstairs stands a few feet from the entrance of the big meeting room, shaking people's hands and chatting with other members of the Clave. He catches us about to go into the room and waves us over, everyone around him dissipates. I almost feel bad for him; now that he's associating himself with us, he'll definitely loose. Our parents had talked about him before, telling us what a good Clave member he is. He obviously wasn't part of the Circle, but our parents trusted him. He helped us out over the years, too, when we were left on our own he and his now wife always came by to help us with school work, training, cooking meals.

I reach John first and he hugs me. "I'm so sorry about what you've been through," he pulls away, shaking Alec and Jace's hands, hugging Iz. "All of you, it's not fair for you."

"Thanks John," Alec says, sincerity in his voice.

"We've kinda all been talking, we know it's important to keep the four of you safe. It's the least we could do for all that you've done! You've all had a rough time."

"How-" Jace starts.

John interrupts him. "The Clave goes way outside just meetings. The shadow world is a small place, you have to have friends, people to talk to… especially on matters as big as this."

John looks above our heads and starts a little. "I guess we should all be heading in now."

I turn to find just a few people left in the foyer of the Gard. John starts to shuffle us in and whispers, "don't worry, we'll keep you kids safe."

I want to say so many things to him. That not everyone feels the same way about us as him and his friends, that he doesn't have the influence to become Inquisitor, that we're not even worried about ourselves today, we've taken care of ourselves without help for a long time. We can't loose another set of parents, that's what matters today.

Alec leads the way to a place to sit in the middle. We have to step over a few people, who either greet us or glare.

When I sit, my knee starts to bob up and down with anxiety. When the Consul asks me to get up and talk about my father, what am I supposed to say? That I'm devastated I had to kill my own father? That I'm furious _I'm_ the one who had to do it? That I love and miss him despite the fact that he went crazy?

All of it feels genuine, but none of it feels right.

Jace's hand presses up against my knee, stopping it from shaking. He leans close to my ear, I can't imagine what the shadowhunters around us are thinking. "We can leave if you want."

I shake my head. "No, I want to be here," I whisper back. "I just don't know what I'm supposed to say about all this." I look at Jace and he nods, understanding what I mean. I have to say what people will like. I can't be defiant about it. But if I'm not telling the truth they'll see right through it.

"I think when the time comes, you'll know exactly what to say."

"You sure about that?"

Jace smirks. "Yeah, obviously."

I let out a big breath. My friends trust me, John Carstairs obviously trusts me, he said he has friends that trust me. It can't be as bad as we think it is.

I lace my fingers through the ones still resting on my knee and squeeze them hard. Probably harder than necessary, but it helps.

The room quiets, Consul Penhallow steps on the dias.

"We have a lot to get through today," she says, her voice echoing throughout the high-ceilinged room. "First I'd like to thank you, and those who did not make it to today, for fighting the battle you fought. We've already taken precautions to ensure that the wards cannot be taken down like that again. The high warlock of Brooklyn, Magnus Bane, a true ally of the Clave has strengthened the wards to detect demonic magic. He is also here today to help us through our topics." Consul Penhallow gestures to a figure down in the front of the room. He turns and raises a hand full of jewelry, his cat eyes glint in the light.

"The leader of the Circle of Raziel, a group of shadowhunters looking to disband the Clave and abolish all downworlders, Valentine Morgenstern, was killed in the battle he ensued…" her gaze flickers to mine, I feel Magnus' gaze on me as well. "Clarissa?"

The room shifts as people turn to look at me. I squeeze Jace's hand again before standing. I still have no idea what to say, so I just let myself start talking.

"Consul Penhallow told me yesterday that I didn't have to be here today if I didn't want to be. While I'm grateful for the gesture, everyone in this room knows that a shadowhunter doesn't give up on other shadowhunters when we're in situations like this. My brother killed himself just a couple of weeks ago. Just before I had to kill my father, he admitted to murdering my mother. But we're all in mourning today, not just for the blood family we've lost, but for all the shadowhunters we lost because… well I don't know why Valentine did what he did." I can feel myself losing the point of what I wanted to say, I can't find words anymore.

"So… I, uh, I'm not sure where we go from here. I don't want pity, I don't want a reward... I _really_ don't want a reward. I just want respect, like everyone else."

I sit back down immediately, not looking at anyone around me to avoid embarrassment. Jace laces his fingers back between mine. I can feel everyone's eyes boring into my head, but I just look at Consul Penhallow and wish for her to say something. She opens her mouth and I watch her chest expand as if she about to speak, but the sound I hear is not her voice.

"Your whole family went against our society of shadowhunters. Your parents formed The Circle, your brother stole the Mortal Cup, how do we know you won't do anything?" Matthias Gonzales accuses from across the room.

I sigh and turn to face him. "I _killed_ my father," I tell him. "And, with all due respect, Mattias, how you we know _anyone_ in here won't do anything? How do I know _you_ won't do anything?"

The room starts murmuring.

"You were raised by the creator of The Circle. You've been… influenced." I can tell he wanted to say _damaged_ , or _compromised._

I try not to raise my voice, but it does grow louder, "my parents hardly raised me, they were locked up for ten years of my life."

"Clarissa is right," John Carstairs speaks up. I almost groan, knowing he's ruining his chances of becoming Inquisitor even more. "We took their parents away from them over ten years ago, we left them on their own. If anything, those kids should be terrified on the Clave."

"Then how would you like to explain Jonathan Morgenstern?" Mattias asks, his eyebrow raising, a smirk forming on his lips.

"Jonathan killed himself," Alec says, voice raised. "In front of us, might I add."

The room quiets.

"If my daughter - if Emma, were left on her own like that..." John says, his voice lower now that the room has become silent. "No matter what I'd done, the amount of love I have for her would make me never want to involve her." I watch Cordelia's eyes fill with love for her husband. "We already know that these kids were not influenced. We put them under the Mortal Sword as _children_. We tortured answers out of them... They deserve the respect Clary has asked us for."

I hear more murmurs, this time, agreeing with John. A few still sound like they'd like to argue, but no one speaks up.

Consul Penhallow does not comment on the situation, instead, she moves on. "Before we begin the Lightwood trial, it is time to name a new Inquisitor. The Inquisitor has been chosen by myself and unbiased members of the Clave and has _already_ been appointed, taken the oath to serve the Clave, and is fit to handle the Mortal Sword later today."

The room shifts. I had no idea the decision had already been made.

"I would like to introduce Inquisitor John Carstairs."

I feel like I could burst into applause. I let out a quiet sigh of relief and see in the corner of my eyes, my friends do the same. Iz bumps my shoulder and I turn to see her wearing a small smile. This is good. John Carstairs was never really _friends_ with the Lightwoods, but he is good news for their case.

John steps up on the dias and accepts a grey robe from the Consul.

"I've already sworn the oath," he says. "But it is my honour to serve you."

"Maryse and Robert Lightwood are testifying today against assisting Valentine Morgenstern with the demon attack on Idris: dismantling the tower, letting in demons, and the massacre of one-hundred fellow shadowhunters. Members of The Clave, you must refrain from asking questions while either Maryse and Robert Lightwood are under the Mortal Sword and let the Inquisitor complete his duties."

Consul Penhallow pauses, scanning the room. I can't bring myself to look at Maryse or Robert for too long. Their eyes don't meet mine, but I have no idea what kind of fate they'll find today.

I watch silently as each of them are called up to the Sword, and Inquisitor Carstairs questions them both on their involvement on the demon attack the other day. I brace myself for the worst, but the answers they give surprise me, and by the murmurs that happen around me, I know they're surprising everyone else, too.

According to both Robert and Maryse, they both had active involvement in The Circle, but as far as they knew, The Circle ended over ten years ago when Valentine murdered his _parabatai_ , Lucian Greymark. The uprising still happened, however, with Circle members minus Lucian. After they agreed Valentine went too far, they still rose up against The Clave for him.

They knew he had been wanting to take down the towers ten years ago, but he convinced them while they were all locked up together that he had left that behind.

"He told us," Maryse said, holding back tears, "that he just wanted to get out of that cell and back to his kids. He told us he didn't care anymore, he just wanted his kids to have a life that he was actually involved in."

I already knew what my father meant by a "good life" for Jonathan and I, it meant finally getting what he wanted, because he thought that was best.

They both explained how the day of the attack went, in too vivid detail for me to want to hear, but I sat through it anyways. At some point, Alec, Isabelle, Jace, and I were all clutching each other's hands between our seats. Isabelle would squeeze mine sometimes, when a new fact came up. Jace's hand against my other remained still. I knew we were thinking the same thing: we'd already lost our own parents, so losing the Lightwood parents wouldn't affect us as much. But for the sake of Alec and Isabelle, we hoped they wouldn't meet a fate similar to our own parents.

When the Inquisitor's final question comes for both of them I have to hold my breath.

"What is the future of the Circle?"

"There isn't one," Maryse replies. "The Circle was supposed to be about _equality,_ not domination. I can't even fathom trying to keep up with it. The last ten years… if I could go back and be able to properly raise my children, I would."

Robert replies a bit differently to the same question. "The law is hard, but it is the law. The Circle has no future in my mind and it never will again. It was never supposed to turn into what it is known as. Valentine was power hungry, he was crazy. I could never again be involved in something so vile."

I flinch a bit as the word "vile" is used alongside my father's name. He _was_ crazy, but it feels odd to call your father, your blood, crazy.

I wonder if Robert had been allowed in the room while Maryse was answering that he would've given a more similar, fatherly answer. But Robert had never quite gotten fatherly right. He was always going to be more stern than nurturing.

Maryse and Robert both leave and the arguing begins.

People talk back and forth along the big room so quickly, I hardly keep up on who's saying what.

"They were _active_ Circle members, don't they deserve the same fate?"

"But they've obviously changed, after being locked up for ten years."

"It doesn't matter, people don't change."

"Put them back for another ten years!"

I watch Consul Penhallow, her head turning to each speaker, her eyes watching them with an air of professionalism. There's a lack of compassion in her eyes that I know is there from when she's spoken to me in private. She nods slightly after each opinion and suggestion is stated, like she's actually processing each one, making it valid, and filing it under possibilities.

"They didn't have anything to do with the other day, though."

"Yes, they've already been punished for their involvement in the Circle."

"So have many others, but they were punished much differently."

Penhallow cuts in suddenly, "those who _died_ because of their involvement, did it while _acting_ on their involvement in the Circle. Most died in the uprising, the rest were stripped of marks and died because of that, those who fled are now banished."

"And the Lightwoods are just left to think about what they did for ten years as if children being punished?"

"Shouldn't their marks be stripped, then?"

"Ten years ago," someone speaks up, louder than the rest, "the trial of the Lightwoods, and the Morgensterns, was concluded that they be put away. The other Circle members were stripped of their marks, but the so-called leaders, who may have deserved a worse fate at the time, were locked away for ten years. Does anyone remember how we concluded to that?"

I finally turn for the first time to look at the speaker and find Andrew Blackthorn, not just speaking up, but standing, so everyone can see him clearly. His eyes roam the crowd, waiting for an answer, they stall on mine for a second before moving on.

"We did that," he continues, "because the Morgenstern and Lightwood names were highly respected. They were two among a handful of families that own Manors outside the protection of the city's towers. They were families known to have great influence over others and hold their own when trouble came around. We thought, that a bit of time to think about the Circle and what it came to be would do the families well, restore the respect. I think we need to keep that in mind." Andrew then sits down, and I turn my head back to Consul Penhallow, waiting to see her small nod.

She nods eventually, but there is no one else speaking. She looks at us, he eyes set between Isabelle and Alec. Iz releases my hand.

"Lightwoods?" she asks.

Alec does not seem startled, but Isabelle shifts a little as the room turn to look at them.

" _Dura lex, sed lex_ ," Alec says. "But may I make a suggestion?"

Isabelle looks like she's about to throw up. I reach over and squeeze her arm.

Consul Penhallow nods.

"I recall," Alec continues, "a Clave meeting a few months ago wherein we were trying to decide on a reasonable new tenant for the Institute in New York City?"

"You want," speaks up Gonzales, "your parents to run the New York Institute?"

"I think it's reasonable enough. You want them to stay out of trouble, you want a reason to trust them again, but you can only do so by being able to monitor their actions. You also need someone to run the Institute again."

"There are shadowhunters needed in New York City right now. Magnus Bane and the downworlders there need assistance with the growing number of demons popping up there," Consul Penhallow says.

"Sounds like a cop-out," Gonzales says.

"Doesn't sound like one to me," says Andrew Blackthorn. "Sounds like reasonable way to end the situation. Without-" he pauses to swallow hard, "without adding more death."

I put my hand on Jace's thigh to steady both my hand and his bouncing leg.

"Alright," Consul Penhallow says, "we'll get the Council to vote."

So then we were forced to leave, along with everyone else in the Clave, except for members of the Council. Everyone else leaves with no intention of coming back - not caring enough to hear the decision, just wanting to go home and mourn their lost family members. We stay behind, hovering by the doors into the meeting room of the Gard.

Isabelle stands with her hands stuck on her hips, I can't tell if she's really confident or just pretending to. Alec stands off to the side, close to the closed double doors, ears trying to listen in, even though the doors have protective runes. Jace has an arm tight around my waist.

I feel his hot breath on my ear, "I never ever want to wait in this room ever again."

I turn my head, our noses almost touch.

"Last time was bad enough," he says quietly, and kisses the corner of my mouth.

"I'd rather not have to deal with PDA right now," Alec calls from across the room, not moving from his spot. Jace moves to join him.

Iz comes to stand beside me. "Nothing is going to be the same," she says - not a question.

"Would you really want everything to stay the same?" I ask her.

She shrugs, moving to cross her arms. "Our lives weren't normal by any means, it wasn't like any other shadowhunter kid, but we were used to it. Now, no matter what, everything is going to change."

"It was bound to happen sometime, Iz. Everything went wrong when Jonathan left, everything changed then-"

"Everything went wrong when _they_ ," she points a finger at the closed doors, "went and defied the Clave. Everything went wrong before we were even born. They brought us into this whole mess and now it's our mess."

"I guess it is."

"It doesn't even matter that they never meant for it to be our mess."

"I guess not."

"We're still on our own."

"We're on our own together," I tell her. "We had shitty parents, they created a mess and threw us in the middle, they didn't pay attention enough to realize the extent of what they did. My father was _insane_. We can't change it so we just have to stay where we are together."

The door suddenly opens, slowly, as if taunting us.

Maryse and Robert walk through, Consul Penhallow behind them. None of them see us, standing there.

"Magnus Bane will set up a portal, you'll travel through it from here," she nods to the wall behind us, and that's when they all realize we're still standing there.

Alec crosses his arms, any chance of a happy celebration is cut off. "Let's go home."

The streets are dead on our walk back to the house, Maryse and Robert trailing behind us. They don't try to keep their voices low as they talk about the city, what's changed and what hasn't.

When we walk in the door, the façade fades.

"Is anyone going to say something?" Maryse asks.

"No," Alec replies.

"We can't talk about this?" Robert asks, looking at the four of us, though I'm not sure that Jace and I have a say.

"No," Iz says. "We can't, because you can't be parents anymore." Her and Alec both make their way up the stairs without another word.

The air around me goes stale and awkward. I look at Maryse and Robert and try to ignore the embarrassment on their faces. "Tea?" I ask.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hi all! So I've got some news... this is the last chapter. I am working on an epilogue, so not technically, because I'm gonna use that to wrap up the story as a whole. But this is pretty much where it ends. You may noticed I changed the description a bit, thanks to user "Herondale-potter-jackson" for suggesting it! I've always had trouble with descriptions LOL, so if anyone has a suggestion of what I could change it to, please let me know !**

 **Disclaimer: CC owns shadowhunters!**

"So you're leaving tomorrow?" Jace asks Robert and Maryse.

"We were kind of hoping you kids would come with us," Robert says, question in his voice.

"No offense," I say. "I'm glad you're not dead-" I have to cut myself off, and take a shaky breath. "I'm glad you're not dead," I repeat. "But everyone else is."

"Clary-"

"We don't have our parents anymore," Jace interrupts. "I think Alec and Iz don't realize they still do."

"We never really told you guys everything that happened when we were on our own," I tell them. "Our entire life happened around what you guys did. We didn't really have friends, at the Academy. The _rumours_ that spread about us were awful. We could never go out into the city without being stared at."

"We used to get shoved," Jace says. "By other adults. They would play it like accidents, but it was always the same ones."

"Isabelle and I were never friends either. And because Jace and I moved up so fast, there was never really a chance to become friends with anyone else."

"One time, we all applied to move to an Institute, back when we finished at the Academy. That's what you're supposed to do, right? Go out into the world and learn about other shadowhunter cultures and how to actually kill demons and protect humans. But we were denied… twice."

I clear my throat. "Actually, five times. Jonathan and I applied five times."

"So basically we were kept under lock and key in this city. We haven't even been able to fulfill our duties as shadowhunters because the Clave thought we'd burn the world down or something."

"So don't be offended that we don't want to come and live with you." I dump my now cold tea. "You can sleep in Jonathan's room. Mind the mess, I haven't gone through it yet."

Jace and I make our way upstairs, and find Alec and Iz in Alec's room. Talking under their breaths. I close the door behind me.

"What if we did go with them?" Isabelle says. Obviously they heard the conversation from downstairs. "I mean, isn't it what we want? To go out and actually be shadowhunters?"

"Under their supervision though? They run that Institute now. And we still need permission from the Council," Alec says.

"Would the Council really deny us though? And would our parents really try to be parents after what Jace and Clary just told them?"

I think about what it might be like to actually live in an Institute and be a shadowhunter. We've killed demons before, when they occasionally wreak havoc on the forest, but we've only ever protected ourselves, not humans. We've been restricted from being the shadowhunters we're supposed to be. To live in an Institute and have responsibilities is exactly the kind of different Isabelle and I talked about at the Gard, but I think it's exactly the kind of different we've always wanted.

"Maybe it would be good to go," I say.

"You were just refusing two minutes ago," Alec says, defensive.

"I know but-" but it would be a new place, a place to try and get over my parent's deaths, Jonathan killing himself, the torment of the Academy, the whispers of the population of Alicante. "Maybe it would be good for us."

I didn't say any of my reasons out loud, but I can see the wheels turning in Alec's head, as if I did. "Maybe we could get over it," Alec says eventually, understanding in his voice.

"Would the Council approve in time?" Jace asks Alec.

Alec shrugs. "Who am I to say they won't."

We send a fire message to Consul Penhallow, hoping the Council is still at the Gard to be able to make the decision.

The next morning Maryse and Robert leave our house with strained good-byes. Consul Penhallow either hasn't bothered herself by replying to our fire message, or obviously needs more time to do so. So we all stalk to the training centre afterwards to blow off some steam.

Isabelle picks up a whip and stands meters away from a dummy, Alec and Jace start sparring on mats. I strap myself into the stunt rope that glides across the ceiling and start climbing up the wall. The wall they've built into this room of the training centre is full of ledges and poles and platforms in various spaces and sizes to cling onto. When the wall ends at the ceiling, a series of riggs hang from the ceiling to get across and a few have ropes hanging beside them to climb up and down. The rigs aren't easy, even now. They're based off an actual wall you may encounter while demon hunting.

I can feel Alec's eyes burning a hole in my back; quietly watching because I don't have a spotter and didn't bother asking for one.

Suddenly there's a muffled conversation taking place far away from our training room's door, and slowly getting closer.

"No- no that's a private training room, you really shouldn't burst-"

"It's really not a big deal, kid-"

"I just-"

"Oh come on now."

The doors burst open and I turn to see who's come through.

"Simon?" Iz stops, looking at the newly-turned shadowhunter.

"Magnus Bane?" Alec looks incredibly confused.

Magnus Bane turns to Simon. "See, they know me!"

I jump off the wall, lunging for a nearby rope to grab and soften the high fall. "What are you doing here?"

Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, chuckles. "I'm here to take you to the New York Institute. You've twenty-minutes to meet me at the Gard, or you'll need find your own means there."

"You'll wait that long?" Jace asks him.

"No. I wouldn't. I've other matters to attend to while I'm in your City of Glass and I don't wish it to take longer than twenty minutes." Magnus turns on his heel and strides out the door.

Simon grimaces. "Sorry- I wasn't sure if you guys-"

Iz smiles at him. "Don't worry about it."

We rush home, sprinting through the city's streets to get back to the house and pack everything we need to pack before we leave. I sack through my room, throwing clothes into a bag, picking out my favourite weapons.

There's a knock at the door from footsteps I didn't hear coming in my rush to get everything and I turn to find Jace at my door, a giant bag slung over his shoulder and two giant books in his hands. He gestures to me with the books, "thought you might want to take these."

I recognize them both. One is the book we found in the basement of our parents in the Circle. The other is another photo album, but one we kept at the Morgenstern Manor, one I haven't seen in a long time. It holds the photos of Jonathan and I as kids; probably with sprinkles of Jace, Iz, and Alec.

I walk up to him in the doorway, taking the book on the top. "Where did you find this?" I open the book up to the first page to find a very tiny Jonathan between my parents. "By the Angel, I haven't seen these photos in so long." I look back up at Jace, my vision blurred with moisture.

He smiles sadly. "It was beside this one." He holds up the other album.

I laugh a little. "They must've gotten a warlock or witch to charm it or something. Thank you."

Jace closes the space between us and his lips slide between mine. He kisses me once, then pulls away and pecks my temple. "We have to go."

I take a deep breath and nod.

It's not until we reach the top of the staircase and I look to my right that I realize I've forgotten something. The door to Jonathan's room remains shut, and I know Penhallow has made sure all his belongings were kept where he left them. I put my hand on the door and go to open it-

"Clary," Alec's voice from behind me. "I know we should, but we don't have time."

I turn to face him. "We can't just leave it all to collect dust!"

"Do you really want to do that all now? Because I really don't."

I want to be mad - mad that Alec can't find it in himself to go through Jonathan's things. Find something to take and keep it with him as a reminder while we live in a different country. But I can't be mad. I don't have strength in me to rummage through all his belongings just to find something to cling on to.

I hug the photo album to my chest.

Iz throws her arm around my shoulder and pulls me back to the stairs, Jace and Alec ahead of us. "It'll all still be here when we come back - whenever we want to come back."

I sigh. "Alright then."

We race to the Gard and still manage to be a few minutes late.

Magnus rolls his eyes as we burst through the Gard doors. "Late," he mutters. "I don't want to know what kind of tardiness you'll all pull while keeping the streets of New York City free of demons."

"You waited," Jace says pointedly.

Magnus ignores him.

We turn when footsteps come through the door behind us and Consul Penhallow and Inquisitor Carstairs walk in to join us. Magnus starts summoning a portal.

"One strike," Carstairs says. "Is all it will take for you all to be called back to Idris. I trust you'll respect that." He smiles, apologies in his eyes. "The Clave will not be happy with any sort of… ruckus you four might cause."

Penhallow nods. "You're being sent to _work_ , to protect humankind from the vile creatures that escape their realms to feed. You are to fulfil your duties as shadowhunters; nothing more or less." She meets our eyes individually, making sure we understand. "The New York City Institute is in rough shape. Our goal is to bring it back, have it full of shadowhunters in the next year or two. The city has become somewhat of a target lately."

"Tell me about it! I've got even mundanes coming to me, looking for ways to get rid of all the weird shit going on!" Magnus exclaims.

"Well," Penhallow says, a little off-guard by Magnus's eccentric comments. "That's what the four of you will take care of." She smiles, as does Carstairs. "Good luck. Please contact us if you're in need of anything."

I feel the weight of the Morgenstern blade on my hip, remembering when Penhallow gave it to me. My chest feels heavy with gratitude. The others start through the portal, and I wait until they're gone through to turn back to the Consul and Inquisitor. "Thank you," I tell them. My hand rests on the Morgenstern blade. "For doing all you could."

Penhallow and Carstairs both smile - as much as they can in their power positions.

"It's my job, Clarissa. I trust you'll put the blade to better use in New York," Penhallow takes on the tone reminiscent of my mother's when she'd tell me to pick up my clothes off the floor of my room.

My heart swells again. "No - truly, I owe you a lot."

"All you owe me is your duty as a shadowhunter."

I nod, understanding. "Thank you."

I turn on my heel back to the portal and close the gap. Magnus follows right behind me.

We portal into room full of church pews and stained-glass windows. Jace, Alec, and Iz are already there, taking in the grand room with high ceilings. Behind me, the portal closes and reveals heavy double doors as a entrance to the church. Everything is coated in a layer of dust. On the other end of the aisle is a spiraled staircase and elevator to take us up to the next floor instead of an altar and stage for a minister or priest - a fake church, then. I can see a faint glimmer around the stairs and elevator, indicating a glamour that I can already see through.

Magnus strides towards the double doors and pushes one open, letting in the sounds of the city: the rumble of cars and people chatting on cell phones. "I suggest," Magnus tells us. "You all get cell phones to communicate with each other; much more casual than a fire message. Also, you may want to perfect the glamour rune." He takes a step out of the door frame to make his way down the stone stairs leading to the streets below. The door shuts loudly behind him.

Iz scoffs. "Friendly as a warlock can get, I guess."

We all clutch our belongings to our sides and start towards the stairs. Robert and Maryse are nowhere to be seen and I suspect they have no idea we're coming.

Jace grabs my hand and squeezes.

I look up at him and he smiles down at me. "You ready?"

I smirk back up at him. "As I'll ever be."

 **A/N: Since this is "technically" the last chapter, I'm marking the story as complete, but if you want to keep following, I'll have that epilogue up sometime very soon! I want to thank everyone who's been reading, and taken time out of their day to leave a review, the kindness of readers on this (somewhat dying site LOL) has always humbled me greatly. Thank you, thank you, thank you!  
**


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